[The Todd is wearing a t-shirt that has a drawing of a blue-haired old woman with the text "GILF"]
Todd: Hey, fellas. I hear there's a Steel Magnolia in Room 309 that needs a little pruding.
Turk: Todd, she's 68 and have syphilis.
Todd: Hey, the Todd accepts all applicants, regardless of age and disability.

J.D.: [v.o.] Turk was right. I can make this happen. Because whether Melody wanted to admit it or not, there was a definite connection between us!
Melody: So, thanks for hanging with me last night.
J.D.: That's not me, Melody!
Melody: Oh, my bad! You two could be twins.
J.D.: We look nothing alike! What are you, Egyptian? I don't wanna hear it.

Elliot: God, what a day. I cannot believe we couldn't figure our patients had STD. You know what should do blow some esteem? Go shoe-shopping.
Carla: Yeah, but you know what? First, we should have tender, emotional sex and then cuddle, and then the shoe-shopping.
Elliot: Hmm. I'm so glad that we are married!
Carla: Oh, sweetie!
[reality:]
Carla: Life would be so much simpler.

Keith: Honey, it it needs to be resized.
Elliot: Okay, Keith, sweetie, you know how I'm crazy, right?
Keith: Definitively.
Elliot: Oh, thanks goodness! Because, I'm so sorry but I just gonna have to take back my "yes". You see, you have to understand, I have dreamt about this moment since I was a very little girl and, the ring fit perfectly, my eyes welled up and I said: "Yes! Oh, my God, yes!", with exactly that inflection.

Elliot: Okay, we've only got two days, people. Melody, you're on decorations. Jordan, you'll come up with my look.
Jordan: If I can get you an appointment, would you have your armpits Botoxed so they don't sweat? Because, otherwise, I'm very limited.
Elliot: I'm open to it.

Jordan: Check it. Not a drop of sweat and it's like a hundred degrees, in there.
Melody: We haven't really been introduced.
Jordan: Jordan. But first smell it.

Dr. Kelso: Hey, sport. Sorry to hear about your placing second into Dr. Reid-a-thon.
J.D.: Sir?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, you don't have to hide it, son. Given your history, you must be taking her engagement pretty hard.
Sadly, it's only in the movies where the pretty girl ends up with the uggo.

J.D.: You guys are crazy. Nobody else in this hospital thinks that I'm upset about Elliot.
[montage:]
Dr. Mickhead: Tough break, man.
Todd: "'tis better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all" five!
Leonard: I know about loss, brother.
Doug: It's like she took your heart and just... [squeezes]
J.D.: Doug, aren't you supposed to save those?
Doug: Don't tell anyone.
J.D.: Okay. I'm gonna head over here to vomit.

Turk: Baby, will you do me a favor tonight that requires no effort on your part?
Carla: Sure, what is it?
Turk: Would you have sex with me? Come on! We haven't had relations since Izzy was born.
Carla: Turk, I'm just not there yet. I mean, if you weren't emotionally ready would you wanna have sex.
Turk: Baby, I don't even understand the question.
Carla: Go away.
Turk: Oh, man!

Elliot: Mrs. Sheldon is the sweetest old lady but I can't figure out what's wrong with her. She's got the most random symptoms: myalgia, alopecia, a rash.
Carla: That is so weird. My patient, Mr. Bilbray, has the same exact symptoms.
Intern: Actually, he's my patient.
Carla: Jamie, you're a baby intern. Yesterday you asked me how to turn on your stethoscope. Now, go stand over there.