Carla: Happy birthday.
Nurse Roberts: Oh, dammit, people, I've been here twenty-three years. For the last time, I'm allergic to coconut.

Carla: Elliot, have you been in the supply closet, crying?
Elliot: Carla I don't do that anymore.
[Carla shows Elliot her reflection in a bed pan]
Elliot: Oh, my God. I look like Alice Cooper.

Elliot: You know, I shouldn't have to feel bad for wanting to look good. You don't, what with your bohemian scarves and pirate earrings.
Carla: Thank you for noticing. But still, it's different for nurses, we're not judged for being feminine. But when you're a doctor, if you put in too much effort the men will never take you seriously and the women will think you're trying to show them up. It's a dumb stereotype. You just have to decide if it's worth the hassle.

Carla: [gasps] Laverne!
[Nurse Robert's face is horrifically inflamed]
Nurse Roberts: Good cake, though.

J.D.: [v.o.] After Dr. Cox exploded at us, so many thoughts were racing through my head. We have been slacking off lately. How did Doug get such incredible abs? And what the hell is the deal with Danni?

J.D.: After you dressed up Rowdy, did you trim the clumpy areas around his butt?
Danni: Yeah.
J.D.: Oh, thanks. He was due for a good grooming.

J.D.: That stupid phone. You know, that's the same way Turk found out I collect scarves. [looking at Danni's scarf, v.o.] Ooh!

Carla: How you doing, Elliot?
Elliot: Great. I figure I spend three quarters of my life in a place filled with misery and sickness. If I need to feel good about myself, then the hell with everybody.
Carla: And for what it's worth, I think you look beautiful. I wouldn't change a thing.
Elliot: Oh. Oh. I did, uh, tone down the eye makeup a little bit.
Carla: Oh, thank God! You looked so slutty.
Elliot: There, all done.
Mrs. Gorski: I look hot!

Dr. Cox: I know what you're thinking, believe me, I do. Why in the world would a civilized, up-town man of the millennium such as myself even go ahead and give a good rat's ass about whether a bunch of snot-nosed baby docs were afraid of him, right? Well, unfortunately the only way I know how to teach is through fear. And I tell you this because I know that this particular shortcoming will invariably affect your life. And again, sorry about the gay sailor's outfit. Your mother loves it. She couldn't be more pleasant when you have it on. Take it off: nut bag. Have it on: pleasant, approachable.

Dr. Cox: Okay, people, biphasic defibrillators. How many of you had a chance to practice on the mannequin?
Todd: [raises his hand] Oh, yeah.
Dr. Cox: With the defibrillator?
[The Todd lowers his hand]