J.D.: [knocks] Hello?
Jordan: Little piece of advice. Your honker's cute in person. Peep-hole? Not your friend.
J.D.: Ha. I'm sorry, did I interrupt you from trying to eat your baby?

Jordan: Danni's not here.
J.D.: Look, do you know how hard it was for me to come here?
[flashback to Turk tackling J.D. as he got ready to leave the hospital:]
Turk: Gotcha!
J.D.: Oh, God.
Turk: Not getting up until you come to your senses.
Turk: Get your coffee on, dawg.
[reality:]
J.D.: Say what you want, those big round cheeks are warm in the morning.
Jordan: What?

Dr. Cox: I'm pretty much thinking it's time to get the fear back. And I'm sorry, but I think life is just too short to spend your time working someplace where people don't crap their pants at the mere sight of you.

J.D.: Hey, Chocolate Bear. I didn't have time to shower this morning. Did you wax your dome?
Turk: I sure did! Why?
[J.D. rubs his hands across Turk's head, then runs his hands through his own hair to style it]
J.D.: Thanks, pal!
Turk: Uh-huh.
J.D.: Hold up! [runs hands across Turk's head, then his lips] Chapped!
Turk: Easy, Moose, that stuff is forty bucks a tin.

J.D.: [v.o.] With the long hours at a hospital, you don't have time to worry about your appearance. It may sound sexist, but with the female doctors, it's slightly more noticeable.
J.D.: Hey, Janice. Is it windy out?
Janice: No. Why do you always ask me that!?
J.D.: Because I'm- I'm captain of m-m-my kite-flying team? The M-m-mighty Kites?
[J.D. turns around to see two female nurses]
J.D.: [v.o.] Agh! Okay, just say something innocuous.
J.D.: Good morning, gentlemen.

J.D.: [v.o.] The truth is most of them don't even bother trying. ... Except of course...
Elliot: Hey, girlfriends!
J.D.: How do you have the time to look so good every morning?
[flashback to Elliot waking at 5am to apply make-up and do her hair]
Elliot: Oh, this? Heh. Yeah, it doesn't take long.

J.D.: Married With Children? Awesome! Has Kelly been on yet?
Turk: Here she comes.
[J.D. and Turk cheer as the TV audience cheer]
J.D.: Anyway, where's Danni? We're gonna be late for our movie.
[J.D. and Turk cheer as Danni enters the room in a skimpy outfit]

Dr. Cox: I just can't believe how comfortable I've gotten talking to you over these last few months. I mean, look, I'd still be with my old shrink if I hadn't cut across the park the day of the renaissance faire and realized that the man I tell my innermost secrets to likes to... likes to put on a big, giant beard and make pretend that he is a blacksmith. A-a-a-anyway, something weird's been going on with me lately. I have been sleeping more, I've been drinking alone less. I've even started complimenting people.

Elliot: Dr. Cox never compliments me about anything.
Janitor: Well, he should. Your new look has completely changed my perspective. For instance, this is not a broom with fraying edges. This is now a broom that reminds me of blonde doctor's bangs. Tough and spunky.
Elliot: Oh, my God. That is exactly the look that I was going for.
Janitor: Really!?
Elliot: Yeah!
[Elliot and the Janitor jump up an down in excitement]
Janitor: Shoobity-doo. Hey, how 'bout I give you a ride to your next destination?
Elliot: To the morgue.

Elliot: Oh, Mrs. Gorski, I know shingles are never fun. Unless you're talking about the games we made up the summer my parents got a new roof. It was kind of like Hide & Seek, only we'd throw shingles at each other? Ah, summer time. Still a positive attitude can go a long way in helping you feel better, so let's see a big ol' smile.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me. Can I borrow Dr. Reid?
Mrs. Gorski: You may keep her.