‘My Chopped Liver’
Season 5, Episode 17 - Aired April 4, 2006
When J.D. and Turk treat a patient whose brother donated part of his liver, it's the donor brother who gets worse. After the death of his dog Baxter, Dr. Kelso asks Carla to keep people at the hospital from seeing him in an emotional state. Jordan invites Elliot and Keith to join her and Dr. Cox on a double date.
Quote from Carla
Carla: What do I have to do to make it up to you?
Nurse Roberts: Go, Ted.
Ted: We want tickets to the Latin Grammys. We figured you might know someone.
Carla: I don't.
Elliot: Oh, Carla, please.
Carla: Elliot, I don't!
Quote from Janitor
Elliot: How about she buys rounds for everyone at the bar?
Nurse Roberts: Apple martinis? Cool.
Ted: That'd be fine.
Todd: See you guys.
Carla: That was easy, yeah.
Janitor: Latin Grammys or nada.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Carla: A bunch of interns are looking for you.
Dr. Cox: I know. I'm in my streets because I'm sneaking out of here early, all because of Jordan and her stupid couples' night.
Dr. Zelzter: Perry, speaking of couples' nights, I don't know if you and Jordan like camping, but this weekend, me, the wife and an interesting guy named Ron are heading out to the lake.
Dr. Cox: Keep moving, Zeltzer.
Dr. Zelzter: Rain check.
Quote from Turk
Carla: So you gotta leave early? Thanks to Kelso, I gotta take the half the hospital staff out for drinks so they don't hate me.
Turk: Thanks to J.D., I'll be up forever doing these damn case reports. Plus, I lost the one night off a week that I look forward to.
Carla: What about the two nights a week we spend together?
Turk: Now I am so mad at J.D.!
Quote from Jordan
Dr. Cox: Could we talk?
Jordan: One sec. I just wanted to thank you for the other night. Since Perry and I had Jack, we don't get to go out that much as a couple, and it was really nice. Don't tell anyone I'm nice.
Elliot: Oh, mm, no. Mm-mm.
Quote from Turk
Turk: J.D., can I talk to you?
J.D.: I can't right now, man. I gotta check on Frank.
Turk: So are you missing the other half of your liver?
Marc: Oh, I'm not, but my gallbladder's pretty broken up about it. Apparently they had a thing.
Turk: You've got a gift, man, a gift! Did your brother freak out when you told him you almost died?
Marc: I didn't tell Frank. Look at him. He's so happy. If he knew what I went through, he'd feel terrible. Why would I wanna do that to him when I love him so much?
Quote from Janitor
Carla: Here you go, Grumpy.
Janitor: Latin Grammys!
Carla: Tell you the nominees.
Janitor: Fabuloso.
Carla: Category?
Janitor: Reggaeton.