J.D.: [v.o.] Luckily for me, I had someone to lean on.
J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox, can I talk to you for a second?
Dr. Cox: Uh, no.
J.D.: Really? Not even just like two seconds to talk to me.
Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie. [pager beeps] Oh, for God's sake. I'm a little swamped, here. Thank you.
J.D.: You know what sucks? I actually thought you were going to come through for me this time.
Dr. Cox: [pager beeps] In a minute! Hey, Newbie? Just in case you didn't actually notice, I have been covering all your patients, answering all your pages, and pretty much doing everything shy of picking up your sundress from the dry cleaners.
J.D.: Well, I didn't ask you to do any of that, did I?
Dr. Cox: Outstanding! You're walking away like a pissy little ingrate. I mean, bravo! [claps, whistles] Bravo, ah!
Ted: What are we clapping for?
Dr. Cox: His dad just died. Dammit.

Elliot: Why are you still antagonizing him!?
Dr. Cox: I don't know. I can't stop.
Elliot: I am warning you, you better come through for him.
Dr. Cox: What do you want me to do, anyway?
Elliot: Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug.
Dr. Cox: Barbie you've met be before, yes? Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year, and nine months ago I hugged my son, so you're gonna have to do it.

Elliot: Um, you saw us before, we're still awkward from the break-up.
Dr. Cox: H- Hold the phone. Are you suggesting that if I sleep with him, that I won't have to deal with problems like this? Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit. I mean, honestly, what is he like in post-game? Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon, I'm not a spooner.

J.D.: So now you're making fun of me because I need a little help getting through this?
Dr. Cox: No, I'm- I'm really trying.
J.D.: You know what, I am sick of getting dumped on, and I am sick of you. [shoves Dr. Cox]
Dr. Cox: Newbie, don't shove me.
J.D.: Oh, really, why not? [shoves him again]
Dr. Cox: Because whenever anyone shoves me more than twice, my mind goes blank and all I see is this white-hot flash of fury.
J.D.: [shoves him again] When someone shoves you like this?
[later:]
Elliot: So, how'd it go?
Dr. Cox: Punched him in the face.

J.D.: What's the occasion?
Turk: I have type II diabetes.
J.D.: Really?
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: That sucks. Carla is aware that if you eat that your foot will fall off, right?
Turk: Well, I haven't told her yet. But I'm pretty sure she knows,'cause right now she's trying to get me to 'fess up by tempting her Chocolatey Goodness with chocolatey goodness.
Carla: Babe, do you want some hot fudge sugar sauce?
Turk: Oh, hell yeah!

Dr. Cox: Hey, where's your brother?
Dan: J.D.! [silence] He's not here.
Dr. Cox: Look, Dan-
Dan: It's Captain Bubblebeard. Avast, matey! Shut yer scupper and bare yer steel, we should be seeing la- [Dr. Cox dunks Dan in the water]
Dr. Cox: Now you're Dan again. Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we? He's got me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist and, he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist who's soaking in a tub of what by now has to be mostly your own urine.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
Dr. Cox: And I have got to believe that the two of us, together, together, Dan we can make it at least half-way to one legitimate adult.
Dan: You're right, Coxy. Dammit, Coxsmith! Crybaby time is over! The kid needs us, and he needs us now, right? Towel. Thank you. Let's rock and roll! I may have lost some muscle mass in my legs.
Dr. Cox: Fantastic.

Turk: I want to apologize to you for that whole "Devil Woman" thing. I promise you, I will never call you that again.
Dr. Molly Clock: It's okay. I mean, I can understand why you're uncomfortable around me. I sometimes do see everyone as a patient.
Turk: You know, surgeons do that, too. C'mon, let's see who's better at it. Hip replacement.
Dr. Molly Clock: Alcoholic. That was easy.
Turk: Yeah. Quadruple bypass. Two on me!
Dr. Molly Clock: Constantly trying to validate herself so she'll sleep with anyone.
Charice: Hey, Turk.
Turk: What's up, Charice. Uh, but that, that was before Carla. So, what about me? Come on, you know you want to.
Dr. Molly Clock: Well, Carla calls you her "Superman," and you love that but diabetes makes you feel vulnerable, and you're afraid if you're open with her about it, then you won't be her Superman anymore.
Turk: Yeah. Devil Woman. Sorry.

[Dr. Kelso and the Janitor are sitting on a benc]
Dr. Kelso: I'm sorry I came down so hard on you. I've been a bit forgetful lately, and I suppose it's possible that I could have told you you could rent that crane.
[Dr. Kelso gets up and stands in front of the bench]
Janitor: Sir? Apology accepted.
[The bench starts to lift up with the Janitor still on it]
Janitor: Whoa, hey. Tommy! What are you doing?
Dr. Kelso: Ah, Tommy's been let go. Have a nice weekend.
Janitor: You too, sir.

Turk: Baby, I got diabetes.
Carla: Oh no, Turk, really?
Turk: Carla.
Carla: I call this "Turk's Diabetes Box." Here is a recipe for sugar-free brownies. Mmm-mmm. Okay, here's a buncha articles I downloaded off the int-
Turk: Thank you.
Carla: You're welcome.

J.D.: [v.o.] Of course, sometimes it's not about the words it's just about having someone there to listen.
J.D.: And it's our dad, and he's ranting and raving because he's an office supply salesman and he can't find a paper clip in the entire house.
Dan: Meanwhile, he gets to work the next morning, and he realizes he's got a million of'em in the trunk of his car.
J.D.: The trunk was filled with boxes of 'em!
Dr. Cox: Here's to your dad. [they toast]