Elliot: Janitor? Thanks again for your help, but I know that you're busy. I mean, I could just call Carla, and-
Janitor: No! Mark my words: We will find that little girl's stuffed animal.
Elliot: You are really taking a personal interest in this!
[flashback to the Janitor as a young boy:]
Young Janitor: Mommy, where's my teddy bear?
Janitor's Mom: Oh, I must have accidentally thrown it out when I was cleaning up. You know, this never would have happened if your room weren't so filthy.
Young Janitor: [holding broom] Never again.
[present:]
Janitor: [holding broom] Never again.

J.D.: [v.o.] Of course, it still doesn't always work out the way you'd hope. [monitor flatlines]
Dr. Wen: Rachel, clean up.
J.D.: [v.o.] In the end, you learn to treasure the times when things go your way. And be there for the ones you love when they don't. And most importantly, you learn to accept that some things are out of your hands.
Dr. Cox: Didn't matter when we caught it, Newbie. It was just his time.
J.D.: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] But still, with so much of life left up to chance, you can't help but look back and wonder... What if things had been different?

Elliot: [on the phone to Carla] I can't find that girl's little pink doggie anywhere.
Todd: I got a pink doggie for you. But it is not little.
Elliot: Okay, if you show me your penis, I'm gonna take it away from you.
Todd: Cool.
Elliot: [on the phone] Yeah, that was Todd.

Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] All you can really hope is that nothing bites you on the ass.
Elliot: Gaby, you all set for your bone marrow transplant today?
Gaby: I'm scared. I wanted to bring my stuffed pink doggie with me, but Mean Nurse says I can't.
Elliot: Well, I promise you you'll have it. Honestly, Mean Nurse, why would you say that
Carla: Because she lost her stuffed pink doggie two days ago.
Elliot: Frick!

Turk: Since I been wearing that Tabasco 'do-rag, my surgery record's like 23 and 0.
J.D.: Are you counting the boil you lanced yesterday?
Turk: Question: Did he die? Answer: No, he did not.

Turk: The point is, I gotta stick with whatever's hot. Like last month, it was not wearing any underwear.
J.D.: So why don't you just take off your underwear?
Todd: That's what I keep telling him!
J.D.: Todd knows about the underwear thing?
Turk: No.
Todd: Oh, yeah.

J.D.: [v.o.] Some people say everything comes down to luck.
Turk: I need my lucky 'do-rag.
J.D.: [v.o.] What I believe is that the most minor event - even a butterfly flapping its wings - can affect everything.
Turk: Hillside landing.
J.D.: Because once that seemingly insignificant event happens...
Carla: What is wrong with you!?
Turk: Baby, I wasn't looking at her lovelies. Okay? I was looking at the butterfly that just happened to land on her lovelies. And who could blame it? There they are, all snuggly and safe and whatnot.
J.D.: It sets everything else in motion.

Dr. Cox: Hey, fellas. What'd I miss?
J.D.: [v.o.] And here he is!
Dr. Cox: Goodness gracious. Suddenly I'm getting the most intense headache. Let me see if this relieves the pain. [Dr. Cox uses J.D. as a human shield between him and Dr. Kelso] Better. Worse. Better. Worse. I could do this all day!
Dr. Kelso: You know, Perry, since Dr. Dorian was on time and you were busy in the break room coming up with that hilarious "better-worse" bit, maybe you should answer to him all day.

Carla: Turk, I just got off of a 12-hour shift. I'm starving and I have yet to take a single bathroom break - which, by the way, is why I'm dancing a little - and you want me to run home, search through your nasties, and bring back your lucky 'do-rag?
Turk: And if you could be back in twenty minutes that'd be great.

Mr. Strauss: Basically, I've had nausea and stomach pains for a couple of days now.
J.D.: Mr. Strauss, I don't wanna tell you how to live your life, but maybe you should avoid eating sushi from the Gas 'n' Go.
Mr. Strauss: It came free with the fill-up! What am I supposed to do, just throw it away?
Dr. Cox: Yes. Yes, you are. Fortunately, though, your vitals are normal, so we'll check back with you in a little while.