‘My Buddy's Booty’
Season 5, Episode 11 - Aired February 28, 2006
Dr. Cox and J.D. have to put their favorite patient, Mrs. Wilk, in a medically-induced coma for a week. Over the course of the week, arguments break out between the hospital staff as J.D. and Elliot decide to relieve their stress with "booty calls" from their interns, Carla asks Turk to petition Dr. Kelso to add equipment for women to the hospital gym, and Dr. Cox and the Janitor bond at a bar.
Quote from Janitor
[As Dr. Cox and the Janitor watch J.D. sleep:]
Dr. Cox: How sound a sleeper you think he is?
Janitor: Well, watch this. [kicks bed]
J.D.: [sits up, still alseep] Why?
Janitor: So, what now?
[J.D.'s bed is in the parking lot outside the hospital, in front of an ambulance with its sirens blaring:]
J.D.: [screams] Naked. Excellent. Who took my emerald?
J.D.: [v.o.] After paying the Janitor the unreasonable sum of $90 to move my bed back home...
[flashback to the Janitor counting his cash as J.D.'s bed burns in the parking lot]
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: ... Elliot and I decided to round up our interns so we could pick out our respective booty calls. Welcome to Fuglyville.
Elliot: J.D., I really don't want to do this. Can't we just go home and put on our PJ's and watch Grey's Anatomy?
J.D.: Oh, I do love that show. It's like they've been watching our lives and then just put it on TV.
Elliot: Yeah.
J.D.: Hmm.
Quote from Turk
J.D.: [v.o.] Carla listened at the door while I was helping Turk ask for gym equipment.
Dr. Kelso: What do you want?
J.D.: [v.o.] And then Turk lied.
Turk: Sir, we're here on behalf of Dr. Bianca. You know, the albino radiologist?
Dr. Kelso: Oh, Jim! Who'd he get pregnant this time? I tell you, the ladies cannot resist that ivory rascal.
Turk: Sir, Jim is demanding that he gets new equipment in his lab.
Dr. Kelso: Demanding?
[Carla moves out of the way as Dr. Kelso opens his door to let J.D. and Turk out:]
Dr. Kelso: There is no way in hell that Jim is getting new equipment!
Turk: Sorry, baby. I tried.
Quote from J.D.
Elliot: J.D., I can explain.
J.D.: Oh, you did it twice. [holds up two condom wrappers] All righty. Somebody's a stud. We got a stud alert in here! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! [holds up dozens of condom wrappers] OK, this is just mathematically impossible.
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: Oh. Hey, bud. Check out my new mop bling. Bling! It's cool. I cleaned it.
Dr. Cox: Oh, so what? Now we're pals again? I've got to be honest with you. I'm a little confused there, Sasquatch.
Janitor: I got a rep to protect, OK? I'm sort of seen as the king of working folks. If they catch me hobnobbing with a doctor-type, well suffice it to say I won't get my cut of prosthetics we looted from the storage room.
Dr. Cox: How's that?
Janitor: We sell feet to college kids for $500. Apparently, they smoke something out of them.
Dr. Cox: Let me get this straight. You are embarrassed to be seen with me?
Janitor: At the hospital. At the bar we can hang out all we want. You rich, yacht-owning punk! You think- They're gone. It's cool. See you at the bar.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] It's been a week, but I'm having trouble moving past my breakup with Julie. Luckily, my roommate knows how to take care of me.
J.D.: Nice. Now it's a picture of me and you on a unicorn.
Elliot: J.D., that's Gary Busey.
J.D.: It's uncanny.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] Now that we live together, Elliot and I were getting tighter every day.
[J.D. pours a bucket of cold water on Elliot as she showers]
Elliot: Oh, my God! That's cold! J.D.!
J.D.: [v.o.] She wasn't great at practical jokes.
[Elliot puts a raccoon in the shower with J.D.]
J.D.: Ah! Ah! Oh!
Quote from Dr. Cox
Patient: I keep getting light-headed and passing out, but you haven't seen it 'cause it happens when I yawn.
Dr. Cox: No problem. Newbie. Quick. Tell him a story.
J.D.: Lay off, bub, okay? I'm still pretty upset with this whole Julie thing.
[The patient yawns and passes out]
J.D.: You know, in high school once there was a...
[Dr. Cox falls backwards]
J.D.: Hope that hurt.
Dr. Cox: Totally worth it.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: OK, everybody, let's gather around.
J.D.: [v.o.] After six months, some interns can become completely overwhelmed.
J.D.: Where's Rex?
Jason: He's gone fetal again.
J.D.: Put a blankie on him.