Elliot: Our shifts keep overlapping on Friday nights.
J.D.: It's the closest thing I've had to a date recently.
Elliot: Well, I had a great time tonight.
J.D.: Oh, yeah. Me too. So, can I page you?
Elliot: You better. And don't do the two-day waiting thing.
J.D.: Oh, baby, I don't play by the rules.
Elliot: So, goodnight.
J.D.: [v.o.] Wait a second. Is she joking? Because if she's joking and I kiss her
[fantasy: Elliot slaps J.D. Dr. Kelso kicks him out of the hospital. A scruffy J.D. holds up a sign reading "Will give physical for food"]
J.D.: [v.o.] Of course, if she's not joking I don't do this for all the doctors.
[fantasy: J.D. and Elliot get married. J.D. and Elliot post-coital in bed. Later, J.D. is between Elliot and another woman in bed]
Elliot: Come on, I don't do this for all the doctors.
J.D.: [v.o.] Yes!

Dr. Cox: Look, this guy's gonna need 40mEqs of KCL. Go ahead and grab me when you get the results.
J.D.: You got it.
Dr. Cox: Oh, and his TV is broken, so when you two do start tagging each other, the least you can do is wake him up and let him watch.

J.D.: [v.o.] In my experience, when two friends miss a chance like this, you've got exactly 48 hours to get the kiss.
Otherwise one of you's going to over-think it. OK, she's gonna over-think it. And then you end up permanently stuck in the Friend Zone.

J.D.: So nothing was going on last night between me and Elliot.
Dr. Cox: Good thing you still have your flower then.
J.D.: I'm just a little lonely. I guess because haven't been hanging out with Turk since he's been dating Carla.
Dr. Cox: First of all, who's Turk? And don't answer. Look, if you have a medical question for me, I'm forced by hospital policy to answer you. However, if you ask me about a personal problem, I'm going to start doing this. [flicks J.D.'s ear]

Janitor: [to J.D.] You seem unhappy. I like that.

Turk: [singing] I try to discover A little something to make me sweeter. Oh, baby, refrain. [talking] I cannot get that stupid song out of my head. It's like a damn virus.

Turk: Okay, here's his chart, his transfer note. He's haemodynamically stable. Consider him officially turfed to medicine.
Todd: T-Man. I'm gonna get my grub on.
Turk: [to J.D.] Means he's gonna go eat.

Dr. Kelso: Yes?
Elliot: Sorry to bother you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, if it isn't "sport". How are things? Did you see Mr. Kavanaugh today?
Elliot: Yes. [flashback] Yes, I did. Dr. Kelso, I just wanted to say, well, as far as the sweetheart thing goes, maybe I overreacted.
Dr. Kelso: Are you sure? I wouldn't want you to be the least bit uncomfortable.
Elliot: I have no idea what possessed me to say anything in the first place.
[flashback:]
Dr. Cox: You've got to leave me alone or I'll punish you.
[present:]
Elliot: Absolutely no idea.
Dr. Kelso: Super. Then run along, sweetheart. [singing] I try to discover A little something to make me sweeter

Elliot: The first few weeks here have been so hard, mentally, physically, emotionally. It's like math camp all over again. Not that I've been to math camp, it's just an expression.
J.D.: I use it all the time.

J.D.: So, surgery went OK?
Turk: Yeah, it was cool. [sees Todd walk away] Dude, I got to close for the first time ever. Ever. The human body is so disgusting. [to the patient] Oh, not yours. Yours is stunning.