‘My Best Friend's Baby's Baby and My Baby's Baby’
Season 6, Episode 2 - Aired December 7, 2006
When Carla goes into labor, Elliot has everything under control, leaving Turk out in the cold. Meanwhile, J.D. and Kim discuss their options for their baby, and Jordan is angry that Dr. Cox talks to Jack like he's one of his drinking buddies.
Quote from Turk
Dr. Matthews: All right, Carla. Let's check how dilated you are.
Ted: Looking real good, Carla. Okay, we're live in three, two, one.
Dr. Matthews: Okay. Looks like you're at about three centimeters.
[in the cafeteria:]
Todd: Greatest show ever!
[in his office:]
Dr. Kelso: And record.
[in the lobby:]
Janitor: Cool! Swamp thing!
[in the waiting room:]
Jack: What's that, daddy?
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's the vagina of a 35-year-old Latina woman.
Turk: Baby?
[back in the delivery room, Carla looks up at the TV. She moves around to see if the image mirrors her actions.]
Carla: What the!?!?
[Turk runs in and tackles camera-man Ted to the ground]
Quote from Nurse Roberts
Nurse Roberts: Did somebody just say "abortion"?
Kim: Laverne, with all due respect, this is none of your business. Or Jesus's.
Nurse Roberts: I believe He would beg to differ.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Jordan: Congrats, Perry, my son just asked me if my vagina had ever been on television.
Dr. Cox: And did you tell him not since the late 'eighties when you were trying to make it as "an actress"?
Quote from Jordan
Jordan: Anyway, I was thinking we need new table linens for the dining room. Well, not so much table linens as placemats. What do think's prettier, burgundy or mauve?
Dr. Kelso: What the hell's with her?
Dr. Cox: She's mad. But she can't give me the silent treatment because she knows I'd actually love that, so she's giving me the talk-until-I-want-to-commit-suicide treatment.
Dr. Kelso: Sucks to be you.
Dr. Cox: You have no idea.
Jordan: What else do I need for that? Oh, I need new pillow shams. And I- I like cotton, but I think we should get a cotton blend because that's easier to clean, and I hate ironing. Maybe we need a new housekeeper. Maybe the housekeeper should come every single day now.
Quote from Turk
J.D.: So what is Elliot's plan?
Turk: Ah, it's really simple: See, when Carla says "I'm thirsty," Elliot'll say, "Oh no, I forgot the ice chips." That's when I walk in, ice in hand, and I say, "Christopher Turk, at your cervix!"
Quote from Kim
Kim: I mean, having a baby can completely ruin your life, you know? Not to mention, as a urologist, I have seen what childbirth can do to you down there. I mean, I examined this one woman last month and it was like "Hello, hello, hello, hello..."
Carla: Not a good time, Kim!
Quote from Janitor
Elliot: [on the phone] Okay, Janitor, Carla's starting to push, tell Turk.
Janitor: Got it. Your baby has a tail.
Turk: I told her to stay away from the microwave.
Quote from Turk
J.D.: What's going on?
Turk: They're about to start.
Dr. Kelso: Turkleton! If you are trying to get the same five million dollar settlement that damn hook-handed security guard got, you're outta luck, stud. Because I put a little release button right here on top.
[Turk screams as he looks at his frozen, blue hand]
Dr. Kelso: Well, what are you waiting for, son? Get in there.
[later:]
Carla: How you doin', beautiful? Turk, you're here! I'm so hot.
Turk: Oh, don't sweat it. I got ya. [puts frozen, blue hand on Carla's forehead]
Quote from Dr. Cox
J.D.: [v.o.] They say you never realize your capacity to love until you have a child. It can change who you are.
Jack: Where do babies come from?
Dr. Cox: "Where do babies come from?" Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very, very much, sometimes they close their eyes and they make a wish.
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] Dr. Cox and Jordan weren't the only ones with kid troubles. My brand new girlfriend was pregnant, and we were trying to decide what to do.
J.D.: Should we keep it or get rid of it?
Kim: I dunno. If we keep it, it'll just end up in the dumpster. Okay! Enough pizza talk. I mean, we're clearly stalling, here.
J.D.: You're right.