Jordan Sullivan Quotes Page 2 of 20
Quote from My Own Personal Hell
Elliot: As a woman, have you ever noticed how self-esteem issues just creep up on you?
Carla: I have sausage fingers.
Jordan: Do you remember when I pulled strings with the board and got Perry that promotion? Yeah. People started talking and Perry ended up totally emasculated. So it worked out great for me.
Quote from My Friend with Money
Carla: Look, all I ever wanted was to be a mother, and now that I am one, I feel like I'm not cut out for it.
Jordan: And you're ashamed of that?
Carla: Well, wouldn't you be?
Jordan: Yeah, I was. What's the worst feeling you've had since you had the baby?
Carla: I don't know.
Jordan: When Jack wouldn't stop crying, I wanted to throw that bastard out the window.
Carla: Really? I wanted to throw Isabella out the window. Yeah, but we just had our apartment repainted, and all the windows were sealed shut, so I just wanted to drop her off the roof.
Turk: [gasps] Oh, my God!
Jordan: Listen, you can't get rid this by sheer force of will or positive thinking or taking advice from a big Hollywood movie star and the dead science fiction writer he worships. You need to get some help.
Turk: That's what I've been try-
Jordan: If you talk again, I'm going to eat you.
Quote from My Words of Wisdom
Waitress: I haven't seen you in a while.
Elliot: Oh, she just had a baby.
Waitress: Well then how can you be drinking? Aren't you breastfeeding?
Jordan: I haven't decided. Were you breastfed?
Waitress: Of course I was.
Jordan: That is so interesting! Cause you're a slaggy buttinski who ended up becoming a waitress for a living. Maybe breastfeeding isn't the answer. This is the greatest night ever!
Quote from My Cookie Pants
Jordan: Excuse me. Dr. Kelso, isn't it? I'm Jordan Sullivan.
Dr. Kelso: What are you doing?
Jordan: I'm introducing myself, because clearly anyone who would convince Perry not to take the Chief job has never met me.
Dr. Kelso: That pansy-ass little tattletale.
Jordan: Bob, so help me God, you fix this or I will grab you by your muffin top and stomp on your withering man parts until your eyes pop out.
Dr. Kelso: Twenty years ago, I would thrown you on this table and made love to you right here.
Jordan: And I would have loved it!
Quote from My Fruit Cups
Dr. Cox: Who did that to you?
Jordan: Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece, chock full of available, wealthy men-
Dr. Cox: So it was the bellboy?
Jordan: Or busboy, or pool-boy. Something "boy." I don't know.
Quote from My Lucky Charm
Dr. Cox: What, uh, what did you do around the apartment while I was gone?
Jordan: Oh! I turned your little office into my pajama closet, I threw out everything in the 'frigerator that had the word "jerky" or "whiz" on it, I got rid of all your clothes that make you look like you're twenty years old. Don't worry, I saved your hockey jerseys. Although I did move them into my new pajama closet! And for some reason none of the remotes work anymore.
Quote from My Rite of Passage
Jordan: I am your new friend, so suck it!
J.D.: I gotta go talk to my boys.
Carla: And I have to go talk to Elliot.
Turk: Wait, don't leave me!
Jordan: So I hear you and the wife are trying for a boy. Little tip: The night that Perry and I conceived Jack, he was on top, it was about three days before my ovulation... Yeah. Oh, and he was choking me. Oh, it was so good.
Quote from Their Story
Jordan: [v.o.] Okay, time to set things straight with that neurotic, bug-eyed, straw-haired...
Jordan: My parents were mean to me.
Elliot: Oh, you don't need to say that. I don't know what you were thinking, although I'm sure that was lovely.
Quote from My Bad
J.D.: Look, I know that you're on the board, and I have this friend. Well, he's not really a friend, he's really a mentor.
Jordan: Losing interest!
J.D.: Sorry. He's a- Wait, why are you dressed?
Jordan: Oh, I'm going to a party. I assume my tests are normal or else you wouldn't be chatting me up. But gosh, Huckleberry, I sure hope we can go down to the river some time and race frogs.
Quote from My Tuscaloosa Heart
Jordan: That was really great, but next time, would you not look me in the eye? It really gets in the way of what I come here to do.
Dr. Cox: Then for God's sake stop turnin' around.
Jordan: Well, that's classy.
- View another character
- Todd
- Ted
- Nurse Roberts
- Jordan
- Doug
- Jill Tracy
- Dr. Molly Clock
- Dan
- Kim
- Denise
- Lucy
- Drew
- Cole