J.D.: [v.o.] Elliot and I had missed our last few pregnancy sex nights. Tonight, I was ready.
J.D.: Loose limbs make limber lovers. Loose limbs make limber lovers.

J.D.: All the baby books say we'll be back to our normal sex life In about six weeks.
Turk: J.D., those baby books are filled with lies. You don't know. It's crazy. You're gonna be changing diapers covered in spit-up, alright? You're not gonna have sex for a long, long, long, long time.
J.D.: No "Hide the Penny"?
Turk: No.
J.D.: "No Me Girl, You Boy"?
Turk: No.
J.D.: No "Dirty Zulu Warrior"?
Turk: No, and that one's racist.
J.D.: Well, I'm--I'm sure there'll still be cuddling, right? Turk, I'm a man. I have needs. Please say there'll be cuddling.
Turk: She'll have the baby to cuddle with.
J.D.: That little bastard.

J.D.: [v.o.] Turk freaked me out about what would happen with Elliot after the baby came, so I turned to my mentor.
Dr. Cox: Dorian, I do not need to hear the pathetic slap and tickle of your soon-to-be-vanished sex life.
J.D.: I just feel like I'm racing against the clock, like Harrison Ford in some kind of Harrison Ford movie.

Cole: Hey, you know what you should do? Take your shorty on a babymoon.
J.D.: What's a babymoon?
Cole: It's like a romantic trip couples take before their baby's born.
J.D.: That's not what I pictured.
[fantasy: J.D. serves drinks to two toddlers sitting on beach chairs:]
J.D.: Breast milk mojitos?
Boy: [burps]
J.D.: You've had a few too many.
[reality:]
J.D.: Those babies are way too close to the water.

J.D.: Hello, wife face. Your shift is over, and I'm taking you on a babymoon.
Elliot: What? What are you talking about?
J.D.: A babymoon is a vacation you and your loved one take right before your baby comes out of your special area. And the resort I found is amazing. They have horseback riding and jet skiing.
Elliot: Oh, is there also a punching each other in the stomach contest? 'cause that's another thing that I can't do.
J.D.: Well, we could have hotel sex. You like that. We could do girl hair with our towels. We can turn the temperature all the way down to 50 and then crank it back up to 80.
Elliot: We'll be like gods controlling the weather.

J.D.: We have to do the babymoon. Turk said that once the kid's born, our lives are gonna change forever.
Elliot: Yeah, Turk also said That Knight Rider was a documentary.
J.D.: It's based on fact, Elliot. Everybody knows that.

J.D.: Okay, this never would have happened if my Hair-met hadn't gotten stolen at your stupid suck-up fest last night! Now, I took the liberty of writing the recommendation you promised me. All you have to do is sign right below where it says, "He makes me proud to be a doctor," and right above where it says, "P.S. He ain't too hard on the eyes, either!"

Turk: Okay, we are both off in an hour, so I planned our plan.
J.D.: You just said the same word twice in the same sentence.
Turk: You just did it too.
J.D.: That is so weird that I did even notice that I did that. Same word four times, one sentence.
Turk: Dude, you're in the zone.
J.D.: I feel it.

J.D.: [v.o.] In the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be with the help of those around you, you'll get through this, too.

J.D.: [v.o.] As for Turk and I, we just checked on a patient who had a pig valve installed in his heart, which sparked a lively medical debate...
Turk: So, if you could have any animal part, what would it be?
J.D.: That's easy.
Turk: Besides an elephant's penis.
J.D.: Then I need a sec. Whale's blowhole. And that way when I'm playing submarine in the bathtub I would never have to came up for air.