Keith: This is totally unfair. If I had messed up, I'd be gone.
J.D.: Let me explain something to you. I treat each and every one of you like unique individuals, OK? Take Gloria, for example. The woman's 400 years old. She needs to sleep a lot. I work around that schedule. Wolfman's got to be home by daybreak, so he does all his work come nightfall. Crazy Barry, not allowed near children. We work around that.
Keith: How come I don't get a nickname?
J.D.: Not everyone's last name lends itself to a nickname, Keith.
Keith: My last name is Dudemeister.
J.D.: And what am I supposed to do with that, OK? I'm not a magician.