Janitor: Your mother's maiden name is Turner.
J.D.: So you used your key to get into my personnel file. Big deal.
Janitor: Your first kiss was with Sarah Briggs at the embarrassing age of 16. She wore a green turtleneck and you wonder sometimes if she still thinks about you. I'm guessing no.
J.D.: How could you possibly know that?
Janitor: I'm your father.