J.D.: Look, Carla, eventually it'll get out so I'm just gonna tell everybody I got an S.U.I.
Turk: "Scooting Under the Influence"? Are you crazy? Keep that to yourself!
J.D.: Sush. May I have everyone's attention, please?
J.D.: [v.o.] The reason Turk didn't want me to say anything was because this had just happened.
[rewind:]
Nurse Roberts: You know those two upstairs, who got hit by the drunk driver? The daughter's gonna make it, but the mom died.
[present:]
J.D.: [v.o.] Anyway, back to the present. Last night I got arrested for drunk driving.
All: Ooh!
J.D.: [v.o.] But I swear you all that this is not a big deal.
Ted: No, he didn't.
J.D.: [v.o.] And suddenly I knew what it felt like to be universally despised.
[fantasy: J.D.'s is Frankenstein's monster as his colleagues hold flaming pitchforks:]
J.D.: Assome of you know I'm not a huge fan of fire, okay? So why don't we talk this out? I'll go first. Carl, obviously I owe you an apology. I ate your daughter's face. [Carl groans] Uncool, Carl! Not down with the fire!