[song "The Rant Song":]
Patti: Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy.
Dr. Cox: Am I still singing?
Patti: Singing like a bird.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, huge news. I pulled some strings and got the parking spot right behind yours. Bumper buddies.
Dr. Cox: Still, you're not nearly as bad as her. Do you know how much you annoy me? The answer is: a lot. Should I list the reasons why? Well, I don't see why not. It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face, you always need a hug. Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug. That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex. And, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex.
J.D.: Oh, by the way, last time Kim was in town we got some appletinis and poured them on her good parts.
Dr. Cox: See now, Newbie? That's the thing you do that drives me up a tree. 'cause no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be. So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son. It makes me suicidal and I'm not the only one. No, I'm not the only one.
Janitor: It all started with a penny in the door. There was a hatred I had never felt before. So now I'll make him pay, each and every day. Until that moussed-hair little nuance is no more.
Dr. Cox: So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane and Sue. Like Moesha, Kim and Lilly and Suzanne and Betty Lou. See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear. You're a pain in every day of every month of every year.
Patti: Dr. Cox, you gotta help me 'cause I really am distressed. Can't you find another option, won't you run another test?
Dr. Cox: If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor, please just get me peace and quiet from this godforsaken pest.
J.D.: I think what my bumper buddy is trying to say-
Patti: Shut your cake-hole, Marybeth. Or I swear to God I'll shut it soon.
Dr. Cox: Congratulations, we'll schedule your test this afternoon.