J.D.: Isn't she great?
Elliot: So you got the second date. Just don't repeat the mistakes you made with me. Don't speed down the road and pretend your brakes are out. I don't care if it got you laid once in high school. It is not funny and I still have not forgiven you for killing that family's pony. But most importantly, if you ever find yourself in a romantic situation again, ignore whatever pops into your head. Just look into her eyes and say these exact words: "I'm so glad I found you."
J.D.: You're telling me what to say? Next thing you'll be telling me how to kiss her. I mean, where does it end?
[fantasy: Elliot, dressed as J.D., is kissing Julie:]
Julie: You are such a good kisser, J.D.
Elliot: Hmm. Right back at you. And I love that you're calling me J.D.
[reality:]
J.D.: Stay away from my girlfriend, Elliot. And stay away from my J.D. wigs!