J.D.: [v.o.] Since my scooter was in the shop, I didn't know how I was going to get to work, but luckily, my neighbor, Ronald, lent me his ride. Ronald's six. But I still got there in time to steal the guard's Arts & Leisure section.
J.D.: Hello!
J.D.: [v.o.] Around here, everyone has some sort of morning ritual. Whether it's getting help on the word jumble from your dyslexic tracheotomy patient.
Elliot: Uh, T-P-l-P-O-E.
Woman: [gasps] Pot pie.
Elliot: Save your voice, Marsha. Mmm. Save it.
J.D.: [v.o.] Cursing out an innocent orderly over a stolen physical therapy tub.
Dr. Kelso: Damn it, you better find it! Physical therapy tubs don't disappear!
J.D.: [v.o.] Or, for some, just a relaxing afternoon soak on the roof.
Todd: Oh, come on. Let me in. This totally covers my boys.
Janitor: You try and get in here wearing that thing, I'll give you a four-story atomic wedgie.
[After the Janitor's watch beeps, he goes over to the edge of the roof and directs a mirror towards J.D., who subsequently crashes]
J.D.: My eyes!