Scrubs Quotes



Scrubs follows a group of medical students, J.D., Elliot and Turk, as they begin work at Sacred Heart teaching hospital.

Starring: Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, Donald Faison, Neil Flynn, Ken Jenkins, John C. McGinley, Judy Reyes.
Original Run: 2001-2010.

Quote of the Day

Saturday, August 8, 2020

Quote from Dr. Kelso in My Fifteen Seconds

Ted: Sir, we've got some complaints that the new discount stethoscopes you ordered are uncomfortably tight.
I contacted the manufacturer, but apparently he's decided to focus more on his hand-made smoking paraphernalia.
Dr. Kelso: Nonsense! [hissing] These are fine!
Ted: [muffled] Are you okay Dr. Kelso?
Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] Sweet dancing Jehovah! I've punctured my brain!


Popular Quotes

Quote from Turk in My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Quote from Janitor in My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Student

J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.

Quote Collections

Trending Quotes 

Quote from Elliot in My Long Goodbye

Elliot: You've taught me so much over the years, Laverne. Like how to place an IV without bruising, or how to get lab results back faster, or the fact that when white people come in out of the rain we smell like wet dog. We do. We really do. Um I, uh, went to your desk, and got your favorite makeup, You're such a beautiful woman, Laverne. You always deserve to look your best.

Quote from Turk in My Heavy Meddle

Turk: So you did this last night?
Elliot: Yeah. Why? What'd you do?
Turk: Carla had to work, so I scarfed down a bunch of fast food, right, and I got back home at around seven. Then I went to the bathroom at eight. I got outta there at 11.15. It was a good night!
Elliot: I'm a nervous poo-er.

Quote from Ted in My No Good Reason

Turk: You know what sucks about having a hot nanny, I can't even look at Heather without Carla going ballistic.
Todd: Skeptical air five! She can't be that hot.
Turk: Oh, really, because I just so happen to have a video from my nanny-cam, that begs to differ.
Ted: My mom put a nanny-cam in our bathroom, she said my baths were too long.