Scrubs Quotes



Scrubs follows a group of medical students, J.D., Elliot and Turk, as they begin work at Sacred Heart teaching hospital.

Starring: Zach Braff, Sarah Chalke, Donald Faison, Neil Flynn, Ken Jenkins, John C. McGinley, Judy Reyes.
Original Run: 2001-2010.

Quote of the Day

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

Quote from J.D. in My Lucky Night

Janitor: Hey, come here a sec. We want to do stuff to you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Crap. The Janitor. And he's with Sloppy Joe Guy! Okay, just distract them before they do whatever they've got planned!
Janitor: We were thinkin'.
J.D.: I've got a riddle for you!
Troy: This isn't how you said it would go.
Janitor: Troy! We're listening.
J.D.: Two coins add up to thirty cents and one of them is not a nickel.
Janitor: So what are they?
J.D.: It's a riddle. You figure it out.
Janitor: Troy, get your hat. We're going to the bank.


Popular Quotes

Quote from Turk in My Advice to You

J.D.: [v.o.] It's always nice when someone from Carla's family comes to town. Mostly because she cleans our apartment.
Carla: Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
Turk: You mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wuh-huh!

Quote from Janitor in My First Day

Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Student

J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.

Quote Collections

Trending Quotes

Quote from Janitor in My Long Goodbye

Janitor: I probably should have should have said this to you before, but you always impressed me. Your compassion, your faith. And you didn't get mad at me when I insisted that I should be the lifeguard at your above-ground pool party, even after I made it painfully obvious that I'm not a strong swimmer. If you see your dog up there, please tell him I'm sorry.
Carla: What are you doing?
Janitor: I wanted to share a few words before she passes through the golden doors of Valhalla.
Carla: What now?
Janitor: I converted to the Norse religion a few years ago. It just made sense.

Quote from J.D. in My White Whale

Sean: You know, I had the same problem when I started working with the dolphins.
J.D.: Okay, that's it. I-I'm sorry, Sean, I'm a doctor, okay? I-I'm teaching humans, not dolphins, okay? So it isn't really helpful for me to know what works on fish.
Sean: They're mammals, actually.
J.D.: Oh, well, Sean! Unfortunately for me, my interns aren't mammals!
Sean: J.D., they are.
J.D.: Ssh. I don't care, Sean!

Quote from Dr. Cox in My Dream Job

Dr. Kelso: I haven't perused the latest nursing contract, I'm guessing it doesn't say "show up when you damn well please.
Dr. Cox: Well, hey, Bob, here's an idea. What say you stop showing up altogether and we'll just replace you with a giant time clock? Oh, an if we ever get to missing you, we'll just have a tiny little Bob Kelso cuckoo bird pop out every few minutes and say, "I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman."