‘Wine and Roses’
Season 1, Episode 6 - Aired February 10, 2015
Moira gets her first acting role in a long time, promoting a local vinter. Meanwhile, the move to Schitt's Creek takes its toll on David's health.
Quote from Moira
Moira: Hello, I'm Moira Rose. And if you like fruit wine as much as I do, discover a winery that pours care and craftsmanship into every glace. Oh, I'm sorry. I wanted to say glass, but I was thinking case.
Quote from Moira
Moira: Hello, I'm Moira Rose, and if you enjoy flute line as much as- What?
Director: Uh, you said "flute line."
Moira: Oh. Oh, that is funny.
Director: No problem. Uh, back to ones. And when you're ready... Action!
Moira: Hello, I'm Moina Rose, and if you Li-
Director: Okay, back to ones. Still rolling.
Moira: Why? Why?
Director: You said "moina."
Moira: Are you sure?
Director: Yeah.
Quote from Moira
Moira: I can't. Can't.
Johnny: You can! Moira, remember Sunrise Bay? You were drunk most of season three. And half of season four. End of season five.
Moira: I'll have to take your word for it.
Quote from Mutt
Mutt: Don't worry, they're fresh. They're clean.
Alexis: Hmm. Ooh! Smell that rock-beaten freshness. What?
Mutt: It's just I do beat my laundry against rocks.
Alexis: You're a freak.
Quote from David
David: So, an hour ago, I thought I was having a heart attack.
Stevie: Oh no!
David: Yup, yup. Yup. Um, but I'm not.
Stevie: Oh, phew!
David: According to Web MD, I'm having a pulmonary embolism, which is much, much worse.
Stevie: Well, you look good.
David: That's just the way I look.
Quote from Moira
Herb Ertlinger: Sorry. I was looking into a new sprayer. And I brought you this It's our Cabernet Merlot petit grenache.
Johnny: Oh!
Moira: Sounds delightfully busy.
Quote from Alexis
Johnny: Kids! David, answer the phone!
Alexis: He has his headphones in; he can't hear it.
Johnny: Then you answer it!
Alexis: Okay! [answering phone] Hello?
Johnny: Alexis, could you open the door, please? I'll take it.
Alexis: No, sorry, you have the wrong room. He's actually in room 6.
Johnny: Alexis, unlock the door please!
Alexis: Okay! No problem. Bye. He's gonna call you back in your room!
Johnny: No!
Moira: [answering phone] Hello? [hangs up]
Quote from Alexis
Alexis: Well, I'm gonna go for a jog, so don't die until I get back.
David: Well, how long are you going for?
Alexis: Um, I don't really know. How long are you gonna be like this for?
David: Don't be a little b- when I'm in this state.
Alexis: Bye!
Quote from Moira
Herb Ertlinger: Johnny, while I appreciate that offer, it's actually not your help I'm looking for.
Johnny: Oh.
Herb Ertlinger: No. It's you, Moira. We were hoping that you will be the spokesperson for Herb Ertlinger fruit wines.
Moira: I- I don't understand.
Herb Ertlinger: My wife and I were such big fans of "Sunrise Bay." And we would be an honoured to have you do just a few commercials to promote our wine. That is, of course, if you like it.
Moira: Like it? It's fruit wine. What's not to like?
Quote from Stevie
David: I need you to take me to a hospital right now.
Stevie: Yeah, the only hospital's in Elmdale.
David: You're telling me there's no doctor around here? People just drop dead in the streets out of sheer neglect?
Stevie: Well, there is, technically, a doctor.
David: Then, please take me to that doctor right now.