Moira: As a strong willed modern woman, with a high school degree, you know how hard we have to work to be taken seriously!
Stevie: I actually went to college, but sure. I would vote for you based solely on the fact that you wore this outfit to the cafe for breakfast.

Johnny: I wonder who got my golf clubs.
Moira: Really, John, that's the first thing that comes to mind?
Johnny: They were custom made.
Moira: So was my Galapagonian tortoise-shell foot bath. And now some lonely hoarder is letting his cats poop in it.

David: Are you drunk?
Moira: Grass, too much grass.
Johnny: A little bit, but.
Moira: [to Stevie] Hey, track that cycle, missy!

Moira: We understand you have found some local friends with whom to spend "time" with.
David: Oh, my God!
Alexis: Okay, I can't deal with this right now-
Moira: And that's fine.
Johnny: But we do have to be careful with our hearts and our parts.
Moira: Because a podunk baby out of wedlock is not something your father and I can afford to negotiate at this moment.
David: Well, that's crazy, because all I want to negotiate right now is some podunk baby out of wedlock!

Johnny: You know, honey, a little pampering might not be a bad idea. Could alleviate some of that weight your carrying around.
Moira: So now I'm fat and stressed?
Johnny: Emotional weight. Emotional.
Moira: John, go find a towel now, please, or I will strip out of this robe and I will air dry in the street!

Moira: Actually, I have a good feeling about this, John.
Johnny: You know, I'm starting to get a pretty good feeling myself.
Moira: Are you?
David: [entering] Oh, my God! Am I being punished for something?
Moira: David, are you dirty Peeping Tom?
David: I don't think parenting books would approve of you saying that to me.

Moira: I brought vodka as a house gift. I don't see it.

Moira: Children, keep an eye on these bags. Apparently in hell, there's no bellman!

Moira: [screams] I've been gutted! John, I've been stripped of every morsel of pleasure I earned in this life!

Moira: Oh, Alexis, has our quarantine been lifted?
Alexis: Yeah, I was scared I was gonna get bed sores, so I'm going for a run. Also, I needed to, like, cleanse my brain a bit. 'Cause eight hours of watching Sunrise Bay made me feel a little not-right in the head.
Moira: It had that effect. The New England Journal of Medicine did a fascinating study on it.