Moira: Safe to say our animal-loving singles will be well placated.
Alexis: Can I help you with something?
Moira: Yes! Yes. That nudnick at the curling rink just informed me that they'll no longer be able to accommodate our Lover's Messy Sloppy Joe Eat-a-Thon. I'm afraid you have to secure us another venue.
Alexis: Okay, well, can't you do it?
Moira: N- Alas, your co-chair will be busy getting herself out of jury duty today.

Johnny: It's the lotion.
Stevie: What?
Johnny: David's lotion is giving you the rash!
Stevie: No, I don't think it's the lotion.
Johnny: And you know what? I'm not surprised! Because he gets a lot of this stuff from farms, and who knows where, and you don't know what's in these natural products!

Alexis: Bottom line, we need a new venue, so if everyone can just like, ask around? Please.
Mutt: I might have a place.
Alexis: Oh, my God! Okay, um, everyone take a Hot 5. And oh, for those of you asking about the t-shirts, yes, they are supposed to be tight. This is Singles Week, everyone is fair game.

Alexis: And, are you serious about having a venue for me? Because that would be amazing.
Mutt: Happy to loan out the barn, if it can be cleaned up in time.
Alexis: What happened?
Mutt: Oh, I asked a friend of mine to keep an eye on it while I was away, and musta slipped her mind.
Alexis: It didn't slip my mind, I just like, didn't go. Is it bad?
Mutt: Yeah, a nice little home for a family of raccoons. I had to evict them, though, and they didn't go quietly.

Alexis: You are literally saving my life right now. I feel like I should help you clean, or like, water the plants, or something.
Mutt: I won't turn down the help, but you don't have to worry about the plants, they are very, very dead.
Alexis: Mutt, you're making me feel partially responsible.

Moira: Jocelyn, you're about to witness a master class in judicatory persuasion.

Johnny: David! Your face!
David: I know my face! I know my face! It's a- It's a heat rash or something! I look like the Phantom of the Opera!
Johnny: Well, you can't greet customers with that face!
David: You don't think I know that? I don't have much choice! Patrick's at some business seminar, I don't really know, because I wasn't really listening.

Alexis: Okay, this is definitely smaller than the curling rink.
Mutt: Well, it sounds like you've been really busy puttin' this thing together.
Alexis: Yeah. What's happened since you and Tallahassee left on your pine-cone journey?
Mutt: It's, uh, Tennessee, and I'm pretty sure you know that, and that ended a while ago.

Mutt: We called it off the day we arrived. She's married to Moonshine now, the owner of the cone form.
Alexis: I'm sorry to hear that.
Mutt: That trip was a disaster. The compass broke halfway there, we ended up following a star for 2 days. Anyway, by the time we got there, we sat down and, uh, spoke our truths. Pretty freeing. That day I picked 700 cones.
Alexis: Hmm, is that like a lot of cones?
Mutt: Well, Moonshine and his daughter, Petal, said it was the biggest one-day haul they'd ever seen. They gave me the Cone of Achievement, which allowed me to take 2 showers that week.

Judge: Welcome to jury selection. The case you would be asked to decide is a misdemeanour embezzlement charge levied by the owners of Tom and Marge's Magic and Fun Shop, against their business manager, Mr. Albert Percy.
Moira: Embezzlement, no, no, no, no. I've seen this movie before.
Judge: It is your responsibility to notify the court of anything you've seen or heard, that may impact on your ability to be a fair and impartial juror.
Jocelyn: Moira, this sounds like what happened to your family. This could be your out.
Moira: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! A man needs to be brought to justice.