‘The Plant’
Season 5, Episode 3 - Aired January 22, 2019
Stevie poses as a guest to talk up the motel to a travel blogger. Meanwhile, Patrick asks David to look at apartments with him, and Jocelyn wishes her friends were more supportive now she's looking after a baby.
Quote from Moira
Jocelyn: Hi, y'all! Oh, Ronnie, Moira, I see you've ordered without me, makes sense, because I was seven minutes late!
Moira: Well, we've yet to put in our kifla order, if you're peckish.
Quote from Moira
Jocelyn: Well, I just feel bad because we really need to rehearse that Nine Inch Nails medley for our concert at "Yarn for Cheap."
Moira: I'd be more than happy to spearhead that effort, Jocelyn. After collaborating so closely with the director on "Crows," I feel even more finely attuned to the fluctuations of the human condition.
Jocelyn: Okay, it's just, I thought that was sort of my...
Moira: Even if you miss a performance, Jocelyn, there will be others!
Quote from Roland
Johnny: Welcome to the Rosebud Motel, Mr. Kaplan. Johnny Rose, and it's a pleasure to, uh...
Alexis: Johnny is our Manager, so just let me know if you need anything from him. And this is Roland, he is our Guest Services Liaison.
Roland: Yes, and it's actually pronounced "lee-as-on." And my name is actually pronounced "Ro-lahnd." And if there's anything you need, please tell me. Room service, turn-down service, valet service...
Johnny: Okay, Rolahnd, those are a few items that might be tricky to pull off, but we do have coffee and pastries every morning.
Quote from Stevie
Stevie: I think you're really gonna like it here. It's clean, and the service is good. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just staying here as a guest.
Mr. Kaplan: It's always good to know who your neighbours are in a place like this, you know, it's kind of a roll of the dice, but, uh, you seem somewhat normal.
Stevie: Thank you for saying that. Everyone agreed that I was the normal one in my cell-block at the women's prison, so.
Mr. Kaplan: Oh, wow. Which prison? Maybe you know my wife. I don't -I'm kidding. I don't have a wife. Anymore.
Stevie: Oh, disappeared?
Mr. Kaplan: I'll never stop looking.
Quote from Moira
Moira: Oh, my God, so moody. Love it! Now, Ronnie? The line has been changed to, "I want to kiss you like an animal."
Ronnie: I'll remember it on the day.
Moira: I say we wrap things up on a high. Ladies, scour your closets for black leather. Pleather accepted.
Quote from Jocelyn
Twyla: We could start rehearsal over.
Jocelyn: Oh, no! Don't make any changes on my account, I mean, you've gotta get to the cafe, and Ronnie's gotta have a massage!
Ronnie: I have sciatica.
Jocelyn: I ran all over town looking for a babysitter.
Moira: Oh.
Jocelyn: Pulled a number off a telephone pole. She's a pet sitter, but she said she'd make an exception. I don't even know her last name!
Moira: Jocelyn, that sounds dangersome.
Jocelyn: I didn't wanna miss this rehearsal! But do any of you care? Apparently not! Because all of you have been acting like bunch of b-words!
Quote from Roland
Roland: Hey, Johnny? Our VIP is still in his room, so we should probably hold off on the turn-down service.
Johnny: What turn-down service?
Roland: Oh, that's just a little something I've initiated now that I'm Guest Services Manager.
Johnny: I thought you were a liaison.
Roland: No, I gave myself a promotion.
Quote from Jocelyn
Jocelyn: Okay, okay, well, Ronnie. I know that you've been getting a lot of massages lately, because they're supposed to help with your bad back, and stabilize your mood, but I haven't noticed an improvement! And sometimes you sing too softly.
Ronnie: Agree to disagree.
Jocelyn: And Twyla-
Twyla: I'm sorry, I'll sing louder.
Jocelyn: Nope, you are singing too loud.
Moira: Wonderful, let it out, Jocelyn.
Jocelyn: And Moira.
Moira: Okay, we can stop it there for today.
Jocelyn: We are all sick and tired of hearing about Bosnia.
Ronnie: Yep.
Jocelyn: It's Bosnia this, and "Crows" that, and Blajka...
Moira: We're just grasping at straws now, Jocelyn. But this has been a fruitful exercise, don't we all feel better? Look at Twyla, look how moved she is.
Quote from Ray
Ray: As you can see, this is open concept.
David: Oh, wow.
Patrick: It's good, eh, David?
David: I thought this was the penthouse.
Ray: Uh, it is the top floor of three floors.
David: You said this was a one bedroom.
Ray: It is, in the sense that it's a one - bed - room. Any more beds, and you'd be in trouble. Although bunk beds can be fun.
Quote from David
Patrick: I mean, I know it's like the first place that we've looked at, but there's just something very homey about it to me.
David: Yeah, a sentiment shared by inmates, after their first couple years in jail.
Patrick: Okay, so you hate it.
David: No. No. No, it's just if I've learned anything from "House Hunters", you always to see the loft space, the charming English cottage, and the renovated craftsman that you don't really wanna take, but the producers are gonna force you to see anyway, before you make any major decisions.
Ray: Gentlemen, I have one more thing to show you.
David: How are we still on this fucking tour?!