Ted: Yeah, it's actually kinda funny, because I was just going through my phone, you know, to make some space, and then I came across this little back and forth from a while ago.
Alexis: I believe you, Ted. You're still Dr. Casanova to me.
Ted: Okay, well, the tone of your voice makes it seem like you don't believe a word you're saying.
Alexis: Okay, Ted! [clears throat] "Dear Melanie." Melanie? Is this the girl from the falafel place?
Ted: Yeah, I don't think that's relevant.
Alexis: Ahem. "I've had a lot of fun hanging out with you, and I really fal-awful saying this over text, but I'm just not feeling strongly enough to take this to the next level. I'm sorry."
Ted: Pretty harsh. But it had to be done.
Alexis: And then, um, she wrote-
Ted: Oh, it doesn't matter what she wrote.
Alexis: "Cool!" Exclamation mark. And it looks like you ended up walking her dog for her?
Ted: [sighs] Well, she seemed really upset.

Alexis: Oh, my God.
Johnny: Moira, it's gorgeous.
David: Wasn't it shown with a veil?
Moira: Oh, the veil's on its way.
Johnny: Well, now that I see it on you, I understand! I feel like I'm waiting for the limo to take us to your next red carpet event! Well, sweetheart, if that's if that's the dress you want, then, uh...
Moira: It is. But you're right, John, it's not the time. So before I send her back, take a mental picture. [sighs] And perhaps an actual picture as well? Anyone have a camera?

Alexis: You know who's not sweet? Old Shan out there.
Ted: Okay, first of all Alexis, she's not old, we went to vet school together. And she's actually been really helpful this week.
Alexis: To you. I'm just gonna say it, Ted. Most people are a fan. So when someone's not, it's usually on them.

Stevie: I am a single woman driving way out of town to meet a guy I don't know very well!
David: Well...
Stevie: Once he shows up I'm sure you can still go to the botanical gardens.
David: I'm not going to the botanical gardens by myself. What, am I gonna walk around, and admire the cherry blossoms alone, like some pervert? So if you're gonna meet this guy there, then where am I staying? I don't do couches!
Stevie: I got you a separate room.
David: A separate room, okay. So this has all been premeditated, then. You know what, I hope, for your sake, that they have cherry blossoms in prison.

Moira: Perfect, a spot of tea for the unveiling.
Johnny: I was actually just boiling water for my bath.

Alexis: Does this mean I should start thinking about my look for the premiere?
Moira: TBD on the guest list, Alexis, but I love your enthusiasm.

David: Why else would we be driving to Elm Valley, Stevie?
Stevie: The only other reason I can think of is that Emir might be there.
David: The hotel reviewer that you had the dirty motel sex with?
Stevie: Well, when you put it that way it sorta cheapens it, but yes, he might also be there, reviewing a hotel.
David: But not the hotel that we're going to, because that would be a crazy coincidence.
Stevie: Sorry, I knew you wouldn't come if you thought you were gonna be a third wheel.
David: Okay well, sucks for him, because I only booked the private garden tour for two people.
Stevie: Okay, I'm just gonna say it.
David: Please don't.
Stevie: I don't think we're gonna go to the botanical gardens.
David: No! Wow! So this is an abduction, then.

Alexis: Hey, I know you're really swamped today, so I brought you this. You can thank me later.
Ted: Oh! That's decaf, right?
Alexis: No, that detail actually slipped my mind, so maybe I'll just take it.
Ted: Oh, almost a sweet gesture, Alexis, thank you.

Ted: All right, fine, I, I didn't wanna bring this up, because it is so not a thing. But well, when you and I were broken up, there was one night where Shannon and I...
Alexis: [gasps] Oh, my God! Ted!
Ted: [sighs] We hooked up.
Alexis: Yes you did, you little smooch monster!
Ted: Well, we did a lot more than that.

Roland: Hey, Johnny! Johnny! I got some good news for you, my friend.
Johnny: Well, I could use some good news, I might have to take out a mortgage on the dress my wife just bought.