Moira: As a strong willed modern woman, with a high school degree, you know how hard we have to work to be taken seriously!
Stevie: I actually went to college, but sure. I would vote for you based solely on the fact that you wore this outfit to the cafe for breakfast.

Stevie: So you know that I think your business is a good idea, and you know that I mean that, because I'm incapable of faking sincerity. I'm also just incapable of sincerity in general.

Stevie: I went to school with a guy who starts "accidental" fires. I mean, worse comes to worst, we could collect the insurance money.
Johnny: Okay. We're not burning anything down and we're not selling any organs.

Patrick: Are we supposed to be doing anything for this party?
David: Um, yes, decorations, but even if we could still afford Nate Berkus, I'd burned that bridge in Ibiza.
Patrick: Okay, but we have plenty of decorations here, so.
David: Yeah, that are for sale. We're not just giving away our inventory.
Stevie: Wow. So, what time is the Ghost of Christmas Past coming to visit you tonight?

David: I just find it extremely violating.
Stevie: Because your parents threw money at you?
David: Yes! They paid for everything, it's like a form of child abuse.
Stevie: Don't quote me on this, but it seems like their intentions were good. I mean, they didn't buy all the good reviews your galleries got.
David: Who's to say?!
Stevie: Yeah, I mean, they do give me a small weekly stipend for hanging out with you, so...

David: The upside is that you are your own boss now.
Stevie: Or I'm the owner of a very sad business with one under-performing employee.

Stevie: I'm finding it hard to believe that you don't have the energy to go to a spa.
David: I know, I'm scaring even me. Why are we going to a spa, again?
Stevie: Because you're having boyfriend issues, and this is my reluctant attempt at being supportive.
David: Well, that's very thoughtful of you.
Stevie: I also have a Groupon, which I was planning on using with Jake, but I thought you might need it more, so, get up before I change my mind.

Johnny: Well, it's all about building bridges, Stevie. But here's the thing, even if this deal falls through, we still get an afternoon on a golf course.
Stevie: "We?"
Johnny: This is a big day for us, Stevie. You know it's been three years since I've played a round of golf?
Stevie: Yeah, um, golf's not really my thing. Except there was this one point in high school where I got this haircut that everyone said made me look like I was in the LPGA.

David: So many boxes.
Stevie: And most of them are filled with paperwork I have to go through, so I'm just hoping I contract some deadly lung infection from the dust before I have to open another one.

Stevie: Well, if nothing's going on, why would it be weird?
David: Because we're in business together, and I don't know what his preferences are.
Stevie: Well, you're not gonna find out what his preferences are on a sleepover with me.
David: Well, I wouldn't be sharing a bed with him, I'd be in some guest bedroom.
Stevie: Guest bedroom, what is he, Bill Gates?
David: Yes, he's Bill Gates.