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Roadkill

‘Roadkill’

Season 5, Episode 10 -  Aired March 12, 2019

On their way to a spa day, Johnny and Moira accidentally run over a family's cat. Meanwhile, David puts Alexis in charge of the store as he and Stevie set up stall at a flea market.

Quote from Stevie

Alexis: How did David con you into this anyway?
Stevie: It gives me an excuse to take a break from rehearsals with your mom for a day? Um, last night she texted me at 3 A.M. and all it said was "leggings."

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Quote from Moira

Johnny: And we're not rushing through this, Moira. We've got an entire day of treatments ahead of us. Today is for slowing down, and getting reacquainted with our bodies.
Moira: Okay, just please give me a moment to make a decision on this chaise lounge.
Johnny: Oh, put the phone down, Moira. Whatever it is can wait.
Moira: It's for Fraulein Schneider's Salon. Do you prefer the olive suede to the Merlot? Similar texture but falls apart in emotional complexity.

Quote from Alexis

Ted: Well, I am not the delivery guy, but I come bearing gifts.
Alexis: But I didn't pay for that.
Ted: I know, I got it at the flea market.
Alexis: Mmm. Thank you for the delivery. Do you need my signature? [lowering her cardigan and bra strap] Oops.
Ted: Oh wow! [giggling] Uh, um, miss, seems that the strap has fallen off of your shoulder. I'd offer to put it back for you, but as a delivery guy, I don't know if it's my place.
Alexis: Oh, how respectful. Now, if only you had that much respect for my time. I've been waiting here forever.
Ted: Um, sorry that I'm late my grandmother passed this morning.
Alexis: Ew! Oh, my God, Ted!
Ted: Sorry, I wasn't prepared for an improv.
Alexis: No, it's fine, it's fine. Okay, what else weren't you prepared for?
Ted: The import taxes?

Quote from Moira

Hank: Can I help you?
Johnny: What beautiful day, isn't it?
Hank: Crops need rain.
Johnny: Yes, yes. Oh, as they often do. Um, well, we just had an unfortunate thing...
Moira: My husband struck down your feline with our car.

Quote from Moira

Johnny: Well, we don't necessarily know whether the cat belongs to this uh, gentleman.
Hank: Well, what did it look like?
Johnny: The name on the tags was "Sergio"?
Hank: Well, that was him.
Wife: Oh, these city people driving too damn fast up and down this road.
Moira: No, I-I don't think speed was-was the thing here. No, my husband has what's called a feather foot.

Quote from David

Stevie: Roland, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the motel!
Roland: I'm on my coffee break, and I ran out of foot cream. Those are 3 for 15, yes?
David: These are not from our store.
Roland: Well, what are you talking about? I just got 'em off your table over there.
Stevie: That's not our table.
Roland: Well then, why were you standing there?
David: That's not me! And he's still standing there!
Roland: Okay um, do you want the sale, or not?
David: Uh no, you can buy our superior foot cream at a slightly higher price.
Roland: Geez. You were a lot nicer when I was talking to you over there.

Quote from Johnny

Baby: What's all this? Who are you?
Johnny: Uh, hi, Johnny Rose, Baby. This is my, uh...
Hank: Sergio's dead! What the hell?
Moira: Yes, it seems he had taken ill, and stumbled out on the road poor thing, presumably to end it all.
Baby: And then?
Johnny: And then we ran over him.

Quote from Ted

Alexis: Oh, um, I almost forgot, I never signed for that parcel.
Ted: Uh, I don't think the guy showed up?
Alexis: No, Ted...
Ted: Oh uh oh, yeah I I'd get your signature, but I guess I left my clipboard and scanner thing somewhere, so.
Alexis: Do you think it might be in David's new bathroom? Apparently it's just for customers, but he never lets anyone use it.
Ted: I remember now, I definitely left my scanner thing in there.
Alexis: Mmm-hmm, let's go. Let's go find your scanner thing.
Ted: Can I just request we actually drop the scanner thing bit just 'cause it's kinda throwing me off.

Quote from Moira

Hank: Listen folks, we don't want much, but you should cover the expenses of the funeral.
Johnny: The funeral for your cat?
Hank: Well, it was Baby's only cat.
Moira: Perhaps it's the lack of air, but I believe I saw three or four cats running around since this interrogation began.
Baby: It was my only tabby.

Quote from David

David: I'm so sorry, you had to hear this.
Wendy: No, David, I'm glad you told me. I was gonna go into business with this person. And I'm ashamed to say, in my weaker moments, I've been tempted to cheat on poor, sweet Brad.
David: With Antonio?
Wendy: Well, obviously you picked up on the intense heat between us if you thought we were a couple.
David: Yeah. Wendy, for several reasons I think you need to say goodbye to Antonio.
Wendy: Ugh. How am I gonna tell Brad. He and Antonio are roommates. They share this tiny one-bedroom together. And it is so crowded in there, they had to put the mirror on the ceiling.
David: Yeah. Best to shut all that down, I think.
Wendy: David, what would I do without you?
David: I literally don't know, Wendy.
Wendy: You wanna get high?
David: No, but thank you.

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