Stevie: Someone just dropped these off for you. I'm assuming you're not dead?
Moira: All right, consider this camel's back broken. Who sends pink carnations?

Moira: What is the source of this falsehood? And what photo are they using?
David: Unclear and primarily a head-shot from the 90's, so fresh, and young, and permed.

Twyla: It's so good to see you. In the flesh.
Moira: Credit that internet! Due to careless reporting, and the gullibility of the masses, everyone thinks I've died.
Ronnie: Yeah, because the news is everywhere.
Moira: Thank you. Did you see the byline by Maria Menounos? No? How did it go? [sighs] The unsung hero of afternoon television. [all sigh] Oh they're singing my praises now.

Jocelyn: Oh Moira, we are so happy that you are okay!
Moira: Yes, Jocelyn, thank you. Can you imagine an alternate universe in which I've actually died? Wow. I wonder what you'd be saying.
Twyla: I don't even wanna think about it.
Moira: I know, right? But theoretically, what do we think we'd be saying right now?
Ronnie: Er, she always kept things interesting.
Jocelyn: Yeah. Or, uh, heaven just got its newest leading lady.

Johnny: Roland, I assume when you say godfather that it's, you know, just an honorary title?
Roland: No. You'd have to step in and raise my kid if something happened to Jocelyn or me. Which isn't gonna happen, but you never know in life. Our house inspector said that our furnace could go any day. Oh, and I'm thinking of getting Joce his-and-hers cliff diving lessons for her birthday.
Johnny: Oh, yeah, well you see that concerns me a little.
Roland: Well, those are just kind of extreme examples, Johnny. I mean, other than that I'm in the prime of good health. Except for this friggin' mole on my back.

David: I totally, totally get that. We are also a family-run business. This is my sister.
Heather: Oh! I thought you had a male business partner.
David: Oh, I do. She is an intern.
Alexis: Um, in training to be CEO of executive buying so...
David: Okay. Anyway, I just thought if we partnered together, we'd be able to extend your customer base, and raise your brand awareness.
Alexis: Ultimately, like, raise brand awareness.

Moira: Oh, Becca DeMornay, what a sweetheart. It's times like this you learn who your true friends are.

David: Well, this quiche is a treat. I didn't know you'd gotten into prepared foods?
Heather: I haven't. I just made this for lunch.
Ted: But if you've ever had her quiche, you can definitely say that it is eggs-cellent.
Alexis: Ted.

Stevie: You have the opportunity to create your own headline.
Moira: Yes.
Stevie: And honestly, would you rather be thought of as dead, than living here? [silence] Mrs. Rose?
Moira: No, I know. I'm thinking on it.

Alexis: Oh, my God! As if this day couldn't get any worse.
Johnny: What?
Alexis: Cuppy the Kitten's dead.
David: Oh my god, what happened?
Alexis: I don't know, I'm reading, David.
David: He stepped on her? Weren't they best friends?
Alexis: Okay, Kelly Ripa just tweeted, she's taking tomorrow off.
David: Hashtag RIP Cuppy is trending.
Johnny: Who's Cuppy?
Moira: Honestly, what kind of kitten befriends a giraffe?