TV Quotes

Roland: Okay, Johnny. As soon as we get this place up and running the first order of business is to restock the vending machine. Do you know that all they had was this Drink Tyme Orange Sodas and one bag of Poly Puffs.
Johnny: All right, we're gonna have to get some brand names in there.
Roland: No, I'm saying get more of this. Do you realize that this soda is made with 99% real drink. You can't argue with that kind of math.

Twyla: Were the crows nice?
Moira: Hm.
Twyla: My uncle had a parrot that just kept asking me to take my bra off.

Roland: My son lives in a barn in the woods, by choice. He could be the next mayor of this town if he wanted it.
Johnny: My son is pansexual.
Roland: Mm-hmm, I've heard of that. I know what that is. That's, uh, that cookware fetish.
Johnny: No.
Roland: Mm-hmm!
Johnny: No, no.
Roland: No, I read about that.
Johnny: No. He loves everyone. Men, women, women who become men, men who become women. I'm his father, and I always wanted his life to be easy. But, you know, just pick one gender, and maybe, maybe everything would've been less confusing.
Roland: Well, you know, Johnny, when it comes to matters of the heart, we can't tell our kids who to love. Who said that?
Johnny: You did.

Johnny: You didn't hear us last night?
Roland: Nope.
Johnny: Banging away?
Roland: Now, whatever you and the missus do after hours, that's your business, not mine.
Johnny: On the walls, Roland, with our fists!
Roland: And if you're into that kind of stuff, that doesn't bother me at all.