Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.

Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.

David: Okay, now this game is called sleepy mommy. Jocelyn's sitting on the couch, she's our sleepy mommy. Now mommy's had a very hard day with baby, and needs a bit of a break. And that's where we come in. We're each gonna take turns popping pills into mommy's mouth. Now unfortunately, these are breath mints, we couldn't afford actual benzo's, but the person that does get the most tranqs into mommy's mouth, will walk away with whatever's left of the soft cheese station.

Patrick: What's goin' on?
David: Well, um, Jocelyn came in here this morning looking like Adam Sandler on a red carpet. Poor thing is planning her own baby shower, so I volunteered to help.

David: She basically forced me into it! This isn't even her first baby!
Patrick: Oh, so it's more of a sprinkle, then.
David: What the hell is a sprinkle?
Patrick: No, it's like a shower, but for your second kid. It's not a full shower, it's like a sprinkle.
David: That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard.