Schitt's Creek - Moira Quote #710
Moira: Alexis! Your father and I are going to meet for a celebratory lunch when he's done at the bank, and... I was supposed to invite you to join us.
Alexis: Yeah, I'm a little busy.
Moira: What in God's name do you have there? Please tell me it's not a Testudine.
Alexis: No, it's a turtle.
Moira: Alexis! Turtles do not pets make. The poor things are riddled with a myriad of diseases. You may as well tie a leash around a raw chicken cutlet.
Quote from Twyla
Twyla: My mom had a turtle dove that was eaten by her ex-fiancé's snake. That was a bad sign.
Alexis: Oh my God.
Twyla: And it happened on Valentine's Day.
Twyla: And her fiancé was a Satanist.
Quote from Ted
Alexis: Well, I guess if this is what you look like after finding some gross fly, I can forgive you for being away for so long.
Ted: [on Skype] I've actually been bench pressing 100-pound tortoises because there's no gym here.
Alexis: Ted! Stop making me jealous of turtles.
Ted: Tortoises, but I do have tur-tell you that I've been thinking about you, a lot, especially at nighttime.
Quote from Roland
Johnny: Look, there must be something we can do here. I ran a major business for 30 years.
Roland: Yeah, and look at the way this guy bounced back from total financial ruin.
Johnny: You know, there was a day when banks would provide loans based solely on their faith in a very solid business idea.
Loan Officer: That's gonna be a tough sell to my boss. We don't offer faith-based loans.
Roland: Okay, uh, I did not wanna play this card, but... I will. I am the mayor.
Loan Officer: You already mentioned that.
Roland: 'Kay, did I mention I went steady with your mom?
Loan Officer: Unfortunately, you did.
Roland: Okay, then I'm out. I got nothing.
Quote from Lawn Signs
Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.
Quote from Roadkill
Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.
Quote from The Olive Branch
Moira: After a glut of unasinous ideas put forth today, the room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation. Can we feel that? It's almost as though we're building towards some sort of inevitable climax.