Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

Patrick: It just doesn't make any sense. I mean, I can understand taking the wine, but who steals a jar of tapenade? And the brie?!
David: Yeah, the brie. Stevie? The brie?
Stevie: Well, at least we know if the cops don't get him, his cholesterol will.

Moira: Jocelyn!
Jocelyn: Moira, you're back. Did you just let yourself in?
Moira: I have been knocking on your door since the beginning of time! Although now that I'm standing here, it's equally possible that I didn't knock at all. I suppose we'll never know, will we?

Moira: Well, well, "John-John" returns.
Johnny: Okay, Moira, don't tell me you still haven't slept.
Moira: What would give you that impression?
Johnny: Sweetheart, you've got to find a way of getting some sleep!
Moira: Easier said than done, John, when your only husband is longing for his epistle-writing inamorata.