Johnny: You took your signs? I didn't know you took the signs. Why would you take your own signs?
Moira: Well, I couldn't very well take Jocelyn's. That would be stealing and I'm running a clean campaign.
Johnny: You call this a clean campaign?
Moira: Politics 101, John. When you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir. It's exciting. It's fun. It's like that episode of Sunrise Bay when I stole my own bébé.

Moira: Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster.
Blair: I would hardly call this an opportunity!
Moira: I-I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.
Blair: Okay, what's your point?
Moira: We were number one. Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit.
Blair: Yeah, I really wouldn't know where to start with this one.
Moira: Hmm. Well, here are my revisions. If you care to discuss them, I'll be running lines in the nest.

Moira: In the lea of a picturesque ridge lies a small, unpretentious winery, one that pampers its fruit like its own babies. Hi! I'm Moira Rose, and if you love fruit wine as much as I do, then you'll appreciate the craftsmanship and quality of a local vintner who brings the musk melon goodness to his oak Chardonnay, and the dazzling peach cral-bapple to his Riesling Rioja. Come taste the difference good fruit can make in your wine. You'll remember the experience and you'll remember the name. Herb Erfling ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herb-blinger. Bing Livehaanger. Liveling. Burt Herkurn. Ban- Bingo Ling-fucker!

David: I'm just not sleeping. I think there's a lack of oxygen getting to my heart because I'm feeling very suffocated.
Ted: Okay, right. Well, if it is a heart attack we're way too far away from the nearest hospital for you to make it through the night.
David: What?
Ted: Kidding.

David: Can you get a heart murmur from a lack of sleep? Because I have not slept since we've got here and I think my body is shutting down.
Alexis: Well, I hate to admit it, but I actually know very little about heart murmurs.
David: Well, I have one. Uh, the pulse is very irregular.
Alexis: Honestly, David, I have tried to find my pulse like a thousand times and nothing. So don't worry about it.
David: No, this is very serious! My heart has not rested in a long time, my immune system is very low, I have not been able to find kale anywhere here.