Schitt's Creek - Johnny Quote #2
Roland: Oh, look! You've got Channel 19!
Johnny: Roland, could you get the fuck out?! [Roland turns off the TV] That was an overreaction. That was uncalled for. It's just you know, we're a little tired, it's been a long day, there's a pharmacy worth of drugs wearing off on most of us right now, and I just think as a family, we just need a little time to chill.
Roland: Johnny, please, you don't have to apologize, and you really don't have to hit me over the head with this sort of thing, I get it, you need your little family time and all that, I'm sure. No problem. You know what I'll do, I'll um I'll just get the fuck out of here.
Quote from Twyla
Twyla: Hi, I'm Twyla. I'll be your waitress today. Anyway, I read about you guys, and everything you've gone through, it sounds super crappy.
Johnny: Super crappy?
Twyla: I had a second cousin in Elmdale who did telemarketing, he made a ton of money. It turns out his entire business was illegal, and he lost everything.
Johnny: Hm. Not quite the same.
Twyla: Yeah, no, he went to prison, which is terrible, but... But he is learning Spanish, "No mas, le duele!" I think it means, "Stop, it hurts."
Moira: Oh, wonderful anecdote. Could you give us a moment please?
Quote from Johnny
Lawyer: You bought a small town in 1991, Johnny.
Johnny: Yes, I bought that as a joke for my son.
David: Wait, you actually purchased that town?
Johnny: Yes, I purchased the town. How else could I get the deed?
Alexis: You could've photo shopped the deed.
David: And saved the money.
Johnny: Why would I Photoshop a deed? The joke was owning the town.
David: Okay, stop.
Johnny: That was the joke!
Quote from Stevie
Stevie: Can I help you?
David: I'm looking for an extra towel. And this might be a stupid question, considering the state of the rugs in our room, but do you have a business center here?
Stevie: Yes, we do have a business center. You can find it right outside the doors to your left, right beside the Hammam spa. Would you like me to book you a treatment while you're at it?
David: Thank you, no, just the towel, thanks.
Stevie: I'll get those right out.
Quote from Moira vs. Town Council
Johnny: Well, word to the wise, son, don't spend all your money at once.
David: I thought you weren't getting involved.
Johnny: No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just saying, word to the wise, is all.
David: Okay, what does "word to the wise" even mean?
Johnny: Word to the wise. When you're speaking to somebody wise, you lis- You're cognizant of what they're saying. A wise person telling you... Anyway, just... Just, uh, keep that in mind, and, um, keep up the good work.
Quote from Moira vs. Town Council
Johnny: Hey, look at us, son, a couple of working stiffs back from the salt mines.
Johnny: Two men, back from the mines.
David: What mines? What's that mean?
Johnny: It's a figure of speech.
David: Um, I don't get that.
Johnny: The salt mines! Back from when people mined.
David: Uh huh.
Johnny: When miners worked in the, salt industry, they'd come home, after digging salt. I don't know what it means!
Quote from Stop Saying Lice!
David: I don't even see a rose in the garden.
Moira: Because there aren't any roses.
Alexis: Or are we the Roses?
Johnny: Okay, I'm getting roses for the garden. I'm- I'm getting roses.
David: Oh, okay. And what are these numbers for?
Alexis: That's mom's birthday, David.
Moira: Those are the last four digits of your father's credit card.
Johnny: It was a complicated order form, all right? There were a lot of fields to fill in.
David: Um, I hope you got a really good deal on this.
Moira: It's by the letter, so he paid extra for those apostrophe "s's."