Alexis: Oh, my God, ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen's yacht by Somali pirates for a week, and nobody answered my texts?!
Moira: I had just had my eyelashes dyed, everything was cloudy!

David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!

Moira: Well, I'm off. [baby cries]
Johnny: All right, have fun, sweetheart.
Moira: You realize the bébé is crying?
Johnny: I do, yes.
Moira: Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now?

Moira: Oh, if it weren't for Joyce Dewitt insisting on wearing those pigtails, this movie could've been a hit! We're supposed to be astrophysicists, it just takes you out of it. And yet, she, she gets the close up!
Johnny: Well, that was shocking.
Moira: I know, right? And I get the aerial shot for my love scene.
Johnny: No, no, I'm talking about the kid. To think this little thing could create so much destruction.
Moira: Oh, you've completed the diaper substitution. Aren't you the Sephardic Mr. Clean!

Johnny: Ooh! I think I just found the issue. It might be in the diaper.
Moira: Oh, it was the bébé. I'm so relieved!
Johnny: Yeah, I think they left extra diapers. They assumed we'd take care of it. You wanna grab the rubber gloves?
Moira: They're Tom Ford, John, no! And they wouldn't fit you anyway.
Johnny: The cleaning gloves under the sink.