David: Um, Jake, this is my mother.
Jake: Listen, I'm really sorry, I didn't think anybody would be home.
David: Okay, nobody was supposed to be home. Nobody was supposed to be home, so... You were supposed to be at lunch, why- Why are- Why were you not at lunch?!
Moira: David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!

Moira: After a glut of unasinous ideas put forth today, the room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation. Can we feel that? It's almost as though we're building towards some sort of inevitable climax.

Patrick: I have to say, David, I'm a little shocked that you agreed to do this. I know how fearful you are of heights.
David: Hmm. Well, "fearful" makes me sound like some Dickensian orphan with a chronic illness. It's more an aversion.

Moira: Nothing is a sure thing. Which is why you should look at every opportunity as a pearl in an un-shucked oyster.
Blair: I would hardly call this an opportunity!
Moira: I-I worked in soaps. They had me play my own father, who then became pregnant despite the vasectomy. I still hold the record for the longest-running demonic possession on daytime television.
Blair: Okay, what's your point?
Moira: We were number one. Every project has potential. If you allow yourself to see it, and give it the respect it deserves, others just may follow suit.
Blair: Yeah, I really wouldn't know where to start with this one.
Moira: Hmm. Well, here are my revisions. If you care to discuss them, I'll be running lines in the nest.

Twyla: Just so you're aware, Mr. Rose, the special is cream of mushroom soup. We don't actually have to-go containers for that, so I've just double-bagged it. Would you like a spoon or a straw?