David: What's going on?
Patrick: So I used to come on this hike a lot, when I first moved here, and I was, uh, I was developing feelings for this guy I had just gotten into business with. And I didn't know what to do about it because I didn't know if that guy had the same feelings. Or if I'd ever be able to muster up the courage to let him know how I felt. And now, here he is. The love of my life, standing in front of me. [David sobs] And this just felt like the perfect place to ask you to marry me.
David: [sobs] Wha- Are you sure?
Patrick: Easiest decision of my life.
David: [laughs; Patrick and David kiss] Are these 24-karat? It's a yes, it's a yes! I love you.

Moira: [sniffles] Good... [voice breaks] Good evening, everyone, welcome to the marriage of Patrick Brewer and David... [voice breaks] David Rose. We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between two people, whose lives were ostensibly brought together by the fated flap of a butterfly wing. It is all but impossible to explain why things happen the way they do. Our lives are like little bébé crows, carried upon a curious wind. And all we can wish, for our families, for those we love, is that that wind will eventually places us on solid ground. And I believe it's done just that for my family here. In this little town. In the middle of nowhere.

David: Um, so I just dropped off these, um, dog sweaters, for the pet adoption thing.
Ted: Okay, great, yeah. It's always gifts for the dogs, and never for me. Definitely one of my "pet peeves".
David: Yes?
Ted: I'm sorry, I just I just was expecting Alexis, so you showing up here has really thrown me off my game.
David: Um, no, your game is tight.

Alexis: Hey, singles, I'm Alexis Rose, and I, like all of you, am single. [applause] I would just like to welcome you to the first annual Schitt's Creek Singles Week. [applause and cheers] Now I know many of you are excited about the lock and key event. [applause and cheers] The more I think about it, the more I feel like that game kind of sends the wrong message. Because it makes it seem like, as soon as you find the right key, everything's just supposed to work out, right? But life is more complicated than that. Now, I used to think that my one special lock needed to be like super aggressive, and come from a long line of Adriatic royalty, or have a beard, and be really into the woods. Then I realized that sometimes, a special little lock can come along, that you didn't think would fit because it didn't look, or act, like the lock you thought you needed. So instead of actually giving it a real chance, you throw it away because it was too nice. And it liked you too much, and cared. And now that lock has found another key, and you are so happy for it, and you just need to accept that, and find a new lock.
Woman: So, are we playing a game, or not?
Alexis: Yes! That is what I'm trying to say, we're just gonna play a better game. Um, one that kinda promotes giving people a chance.

David: Okay, look, um, I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject, and by subject I mean genuine human emotion. So, I am just going to tell you what I know. And you can do whatever you want with that. Okay? I know that your name has come up in conversation every single day, for the past 6 months. Um, I know that she's different now I mean, not that different, obviously, but, um, different enough to know that she made a mistake with you. Or was it two mistakes? Or more..?
Ted: No, it was just the two.
David: Yeah. Anyway, so you've been burned, a couple times. Um, have we met? I've been burned so many times, I'm basically the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow. Um, but I think it's important for us to remember that sometimes, sometimes it does work out. And, um, even though everything inside us is telling us to protect ourselves, when you've got it, don't let it go. Um, [clears throat], and I am telling you, that you have got it, if you want it.