David: Um, Jake, this is my mother.
Jake: Listen, I'm really sorry, I didn't think anybody would be home.
David: Okay, nobody was supposed to be home. Nobody was supposed to be home, so... You were supposed to be at lunch, why- Why are- Why were you not at lunch?!
Moira: David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican!

Moira: After a glut of unasinous ideas put forth today, the room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation. Can we feel that? It's almost as though we're building towards some sort of inevitable climax.

Rachel: I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but that's like the oldest trick in the book. Texting a bunch of letters and saying your phone was unlocked in your purse.
Alexis: Right? I used to text Zac Efron just like a question mark whenever I wanted a booty call. Poor thing would be like buzzing my apartment before I even pressed send.

Roland: Come on, Johnny, you're talking to a grill master. Do you know that I've been given three different aprons because of my barbecue skills? Let's see, I've got "License to Grill", I've got "Working Grill", oh and I have "Grills Just Wanna Have Fun".

Patrick: I didn't want it to affect what we have. Okay? And I mean it when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about. 'Cause no matter how hard I tried with her, it just never felt right. And up until recently, I didn't understand why. David, I've spent most of my life not knowing what right was supposed to feel like, and then I met you. And everything changed. You make me feel right, David.
David: That is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard anyone say. Um, outside of the "Downton Christmas Special".
Patrick: It's the truth.