Moira: You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. The opportunities will diminish, and the ass will get bigger. Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! Especially yours. You're going to have a huge ass. And you, future baldy. Sorry, hairless, homeless! So what? Who cares? When they get mean, you tell them to go to hell! Because only you know who you are! And those cruel Internet people cannot take that away from you! You will forge on! And you will find some glimmer of something to hold on to. And only then will you find your way back. Only then will you become once again who you are! [to a seated boy] Lady standing! [sobs] [groans]

David: Hi, um, question. If one were to theoretically look for a job here in Schitt's Creek, where would you suggest that that person go to look? Is there, like, a bulletin board or a pamphlet, or something with information on it?
Stevie: No. No bulletin board. What kind of job are you looking for?
David: Um, something in, like, art curating or trend forecasting.
Stevie: Oh, okay. Um, hmmm, let's see. Not seeing anything in art curating or trend forecasting. That's weird.

Moira: [o.s., slurred] They dare to call me irrelevant? Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant! L.A. is irrelevant... I am relevant! "Good riddance," is what they said.
Johnny: Oh, who said that, sweetheart?
Moira: I don't know! They're no name commentors. Tormentors.
Johnny: Are we having a bad day, honey?
Moira: Anonymous. Ominous. [closing the closet door] That'll be fine, thank you. I'm afraid I don't have a gratuity right now.