Schitt's Creek - Alexis Quote #249
Alexis: I would like a refund, please.
Gary: Uh, the problem is, is we don't give refunds.
Alexis: Okay, then I guess I would just like my money back, then.
Gary: Again, we don't give refunds.
Alexis: Okay, okay. This is the first time that I've ever invested in anything myself, and I thought that was like, the responsible choice, but clearly, this is like, a joke school.
Gary: Well, that's why most students do their courses online.
Alexis: Oh. So like, potentially, I could refund my refund request, do all my courses online, and like, never have to ever come back here again?
Gary: That's actually how I keep my side hustle going, part time DJ. Here's my card, in case you have any problems, or you wanna go on a date, or something.
Alexis: Okay. Well, I won't be doing any of that, but thank you so much.
Quote from Moira
Moira: It's just flagrant irresponsibility! To allow an unscheduled conception to occur!
Moira: Oh, she has no idea of the toll a bébé can take on its mother, or its mother's mother.
Quote from Moira
Moira: No, I'll talk to her. Yes, I'll tell her she has no right to lay this financial and psychological burden on us!
Johnny: Well, maybe I'll talk to her.
Moira: Now she has to move into one of those homes for unwed mothers!
David: Oh, my God, imagine?
Johnny: Moira, that's not gonna happen.
Moira: Oh, I'm sure there are plenty of them on this side of the tracks. Let the nuns take care of the little stranger!
Quote from Stevie
Stevie: Welcome. Make yourselves at home. Just so you know, there's nothing in the fridge. Oh, and I marked the booze, so I'll know if you touch it.
Patrick: I noticed the line is a couple inches above where the whiskey starts.
David: I am stunned by your generosity.
Quote from The Hospies
Alexis: [singing] Are you ready? Let's do it. I'm a Lamborghini I'm a Hollywood star I'm a little bit tipsy When I drive my car I'm expensive sushi I'm a huge, huge yacht I'm a little bit single Even when I'm not Ah! Ah! I'm little bit I'm a little bit I'm a little bit of la la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis La la la-la-la-la-la A little bit Alexis
Jocelyn: Oh wow, okay. [stops music]
Jocelyn: Just wonderful.
Alexis: Okay, yeah, I still actually had a few more verses. And in the last verse, I really get to showcase my range.
Quote from Driving Test
Alexis: I don't know why you didn't ask me first, David. I have my license in seven different countries, And I have my "F" Class.
David: Isn't that for transport trucks?!
Alexis: Yes, well, I had a lot of people to move! Anyway, it's not a big deal. You just get in, you do what they tell you, and then you get out. And wear your best hair perfume.
David: Okay, I don't have hair perfume, and not all of us can flirt our way into getting a driver's license!
Alexis: Okay, you try parallel parking in a burka, David. No amount of flirting can get you out of that, trust me!
Quote from Ronnie's Party
David: So are you nervous? This is like the first job you've ever had.
Alexis: No it isn't.
David: Putting your name on a line of edible nail polish isn't what I would call having a job.
Alexis: I was very hands on, David. I came up with all the flavours by myself.
David: Even the one that poisoned all those people?
Alexis: David, the factory in Guangzhou assured us that it was lead-free. Ugh!