Jocelyn: You must think that this is silly, but keeping the gender of the baby a secret is a bit of a tradition in Roland's family.
Moira: I believe he said so, yes.
Jocelyn: It goes way back. Way, way back. Salem, Massachusetts, actually. Yeah, his great-great-great great-grandmother accurately guessed the sex of her daughter's baby, and then was put on trial for witchcraft, - so, you would see why.
Moira: Toil and trouble.
Jocelyn: Roland never should've left that envelope on your desk. And now look at you, burdened with this secret. I mean, you must just wanna shout out "it's a boy!" Or, "it's a girl!" Is it a girl?
Moira: Valiant attempt, Jocelyn.
Jocelyn: I was just testing you. I mean, I wouldn't wanna break the Schitt family tradition. Stupid witch!

Alexis: So Stevie, one other angle that I'm playing is focusing just on you. You're the hook. Pretty country girl who doesn't care about big city things like dressing well, or how she looks. We could rename the motel like, Stevie's Place.
Stevie: Stevie's Place sounds like a shelter for battered men.
Alexis: Okay, well the name was just a jumping off point. Um, we could use your last name, and call it the Budd Inn. And now that I'm saying that out loud, obviously we're not gonna do that.

Johnny: Is this a team meeting, 'cause I'm part of the team.
Alexis: Uh, no we're good, we're gonna focus on a solo shot.
Johnny: Solo?
Ray: Don't take it personally, Mr. Rose, it's probably because you didn't know what to do with your hands. Or maybe it's because your face looked like it tasted something sour. Or maybe...
Johnny: Thank you, Ray, I get it.

Moira: Well, I'm not so sure I am. Knowing everything your great grandmother went through, I would no... No, I will not be held accountable for invoking a coven.

Jocelyn: Okay, well nobody panic. Where did you put the sonogram?
Moira: In the safe. And I wrote down the new combination on a sticky note.
Roland: Perfect, so where's the sticky note?
Moira: Well, the sticky note, I believe, is also in the safe. Well that, I will admit, is my blunder.

Jocelyn: Moira?
Moira: Oh, you two, I told you I don't know.
Jocelyn: But we do. We called the doctor.
Moira: You did? Lovely.
Roland: Don't you wanna know what it is? I'll give you three guesses.

Alexis: Okay, hi, hi. This image is gonna be used as the key art for the new website, so it has to be like, on message.
Ray: Yes, uh, Stevie, Mr. Rose, the motivation here is two small-town friends welcoming guests to their humble motel.
Johnny: Oh. Should I be holding a key?
Ray: No, Mr. Rose, unless you wanna look really, really corny.
Alexis: Yeah, like really, really cheesy, and off-brand.
Johnny: All right, no key.
Ray: No key. Just look at the camera like, uh, it's a guest. If the camera was your guest, how would you greet her?

Jocelyn: Moira, we're having a boy.
Moira: A boy, I believe I told you that. How wonderful! My boy right now is being serenaded by his butter-voiced beau.

Alexis: Okay. I'm gonna offer you both a PR and marketing strategy, pro bono. And if you're into it, we'll pull the trigger, we'll work on my contract and my salary, and then we'll get things going from there.
Johnny: Well, now's not the time to take our foot off the gas, Stevie, and if we have a publicist at our disposal.
Stevie: Would we call her a publicist?
Alexis: Um, I actually prefer to be called a freelance brand invigorator.
Stevie: Hmm.
Alexis: And I also have a super easy multi-step plan in place for the motel.

Roland: Hey Ronnie, I need the combination to the safe.
Ronnie: It's your safe. You have the combination.
Roland: Okay, then I need the number of a locksmith.
Bob: I used a guy this weekend. Yeah, Gwen locked me out. [laughs] By accident.