David: Okay, I'm just saying, she broke up with Ted less than a week ago, and I am finding this whole rebound thing to be alarmingly manic, and regressive.
Johnny: Well, it does sound a little quick. I mean, has anybody even met this guy?
Moira: David, when did you become the Grim Reaper of romance?

Moira: Hello, council people! Why, you ask, are we here, trembling before you? [silence] Well, I'll answer your question. I was assailed this morning.
Ronnie: Is that a fact?
Moira: Stone cold. Stevie was there. Stevie, describe the carnage.
Stevie: Um, well, there were a couple of broken eggs on Mrs. Rose's car, and one on the back windshield.
Moira: It was shattered!
Ronnie: The windshield?
Moira: The egg! That's the bestial level of attack with which we are dealing.

Roland: Well, you know, after this little interview in People Magazine, I'm surprised those eggs weren't actually thrown at you.
Moira: Has it hit the stands? My publicist is off today.
Ronnie: It sure has. You describe the town as, and I quote, "the last place you'd ever wanna end up."
Moira: Oh no, I described the town as the last place I'd ever want to end up.

Moira: Roland, something has to be done! It's a simple miscommunication. Do you want Stevie to be cleaning eggs off my car every morning?!

Moira: Oh, allow me to leave you with this. I solemnly vow to make right by all of you. As soon as one of you details my car.

Moira: And where do we think we're going?
Alexis: Well, I feel like your publicist should be there if you're meeting with Tickle Bernstein.
Moira: [chuckles] Tippy. It's Tippy, and no, not necessary, dear. Not in your condition. Thank you.
Alexis: No, it's fine. I'll just throw on some clothes.
Moira: No! I insist. Mummy can handle this one all by herself. All right? What's important is that you stay here where no one can see you and focus on your critical self-care.

Moira: Oh, I wanna see this.
[on an old Sunrise Bay:]
Clifton Sparks: You can and you know it!
Moira: How dare you make me kill my father twice! [repeated slaps] You'll pay for this one day.

Tippy Bernstein: Moira fucking Rose. Wow. I mean, I figured time stood still in this town, but look at you! You are just as... gorgeous as the day I discovered you.
Moira: Oh Tippy. You're as alive as ever! No, don't get up!
Tippy Bernstein: No, no. Don't worry about it. Cured that vertigo years ago. I hired a hypnotherapist. Then I married her. And then I divorced her. [in a hypnotized voice] You-are-getting-very... broke.
Moira: Ha! [laughs] Tippy, I have missed that vaudevillian charm.

Tippy Bernstein: So, I'm sure you're dying to know what this is all about, and since this isn't sweeps weeks, I won't keep you hanging.
Moira: My imagination has become rather unbridled since you called. Let me guess. A reunion?
Tippy Bernstein: No, it's much, much, much, much better.
Moira: Some sort of televised event? It's a panel? Late night?
Tippy Bernstein: They wanna reboot "Sunrise Bay!"
Moira: What? Who...
Tippy Bernstein: No, no. It's a big, big co-production. All the good people want in. Moira, it's gonna be raw, it's gonna be edgy, and prime-time! A sexy new cast, but they have asked for prominent characters from the original to ground the whole thing. So I called Clifton...
Moira: Alphabetical.

Moira: Have you forgotten that Vivian was killed off?
Clifton Sparks: When has that ever stop us?
Moira: But that last time I was shredded.
Clifton Sparks: That's why we have writers. Let them do their magic.