Johnny: I'm just looking for someone who sells raw milk. From a cow. That's a big business right now.
Alexis: What's a big business right now?
Johnny: Raw milk.
Twyla: Shhh! You would make a terrible drug dealer, Mr. Rose.

Moira: While I'm glad you talked me out of the mohawk, I think these people deserve a little glamour in their political campaign. I was always impressed by those masquerade key parties at the Sarkozys'.

Woman Officer: I'm gonna need you to pull over, Jacob.
Alexis: Jacob?
Johnny: Jacob.
Alexis: Jacob?
Roland: What?!
Alexis: She wants you to pull over.
Roland: Oh, I'm- I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to the other Jacob.

Johnny: Alexis? What is this?
Alexis: The twelve things of milk that you asked for.
Johnny: The twelve "things" of milk? I didn't ask for twelve "things" of milk, I didn't- I didn't say "things!" No, I asked for twelve pints!
Alexis: Is there one missing?
Johnny: Alexis, these are not pints! Pints are little bottles!
Alexis: Oh! Okay, 'cause I was wondering why would Dad order $300.00 worth of milk?
Johnny: This cost $300.00?!
Alexis: Yeah, well like, three-ish. I don't... Hmm. Um, okay well, $394.40, so I guess kind of closer to $400.

Woman Officer: Turn off your truck, please.
Roland: Yes, sir.
Woman Officer: Okay, who do we have here?
Roland: Oh, um that's uh, Jennifer. And then he's um Jacob. And then I'm also Jacob. Well, you can look at our drivers' licences, if you don't believe me!
Johnny: Oh, I don't think that'll be necessary, Jacob.
Roland: Yeah, I'm just joking. We don't have drivers' licences.
Johnny: Um No, yeah, we do have driver's licenses, we don't have those names on our driver's license.
Woman Officer: I'm gonna talk to someone else.

Moira: They call this a candidates' breakfast?!
Johnny: Well, it can't be, Moira, there's a woman in cargo shorts.

Twyla: Good morning, Mrs. Rose. Here's your name tag.
Moira: Oh, bless you, dear, but a name tag does not go with this ensemble.
Twyla: Oh, it's just so people know who you are. Not that people won't know, when they see you in that outfit. It's very shiny.
Moira: You're too kind.

Bob: Alright, well, give me seven bucks, we'll call it even.
Johnny: Seven dollars?!
Bob: It's raw milk we're talking here, it's all natural, unpasteurized, straight from the cow's breast, to your mouth.
Johnny: You paid seven dollars a bottle for this?! Where do you get it?
Bob: Oh, Johnny, I- I'm not giving up my supplier. I mean, uh, unpasteurized milk is illegal.
Johnny: Yeah, okay, Bob, you know, I get it, but we're not talking heroin here.
Bob: Okay well, you know, maybe you're used to being on the wrong side of the law, but I for one am not going to prison. Gwen has already told me she won't wait for me, so I'm counting on you to be, uh, discreet.
Johnny: Right, okay Bob, I'll keep it on the down low.

Alexis: I was wondering where you ran off to.
Ted: Yeah well, it's actually kind of a funny story. Do you remember that couples vacation that I booked for us right before you broke off our engagement?
Alexis: Again, I'm-I'm super sorry about that.
Ted: No, no, it's awesome. 'Cause they actually gave me the "Broken Hearts Special." Three extra nights at no extra charge, as long as I could prove that I didn't actually make it down the aisle.
Alexis: Hmm! [laughs] Look at you, and now you have a bike!
Ted: Yeah! Yeah, no, I got almost full price back for the engagement ring, and I've always wanted one of these, and it cost less than the ring, so...

Ted: My day's been stacked, doing rounds to some farms, checking on the animals, and now some house calls, But I gotta say, it's a lot more fun now that I've got this puppy. Pun intended.
Alexis: [laughs] Look at you! It's like if the "Sons of Anarchy" had a vet.
Ted: Yeah! Except they don't wear helmets on that show. Which I get, but, it's a little dangerous.