Johnny: Well, obviously we'll be looking at something a bit more modest this year. But this time, at least, we get to pick out the tree ourselves. Mm, smell those pine needles.
Ray: Oh, hi, Mr. Rose. What you're smelling is actually our holiday-scented car ornaments. They can be used in the car, or on your tree. Sold separately, of course.

Alexis: What is everybody yelling about?
Johnny: Well, we have a Christmas tree, but no decorations because your brother's a cheap-ass! And right now we have the most un-Christmassy looking room, that'll soon be filled with party guests... Speaking of, how's the guest list coming, Alexis?
Alexis: I don't know, you tell me.
Johnny: Why would I tell you? You were in charge of the guest list.
Alexis: Well, it's hard to be in charge of the guest list, if no one's given it to me yet.
Johnny: Why would anybody give it to you? You were in charge of making it!
Alexis: Making it? I thought you wanted me to handle it? Like, work the door, make sure nobody gets in that isn't on the list!
Johnny: It's Christmas Eve, Alexis! Who's going out crashing other people's Christmas parties?

Ted: Knock, knock. Any room left at the inn?

Alexis: And I'll put the Jerry beads on the tree.
Johnny: We're not putting Mardi Gras beads on a Christmas tree, Alexis!
Moira: John, please, do the honours. [all clap]
Alexis: Yay.
David: W- I, for one, find it charming, in sort of a a war-torn sort of way.

[dream sequence:]
Johnny: Moira, have you seen the kids?
Moira: Whose kids?
Johnny: Our kids?
Moira: That ship sailed hours ago, dear. Literally, Alexis and Stavros are on his father's yacht by now. Off to Capri.
Johnny: Ah.
Moira: And David? Hm, David, last I heard he was screaming at Wolfgang. Apparently there weren't enough capers on the smoked salmon crudites.

Moira: Well, this isn't right, you sitting here alone.
Johnny: Oh, I don't know, it feels pretty familiar.
Moira: Yes, I guess we've established a pretty grim tradition these past few years.
Johnny: Well, I'm not talking about these past few years, I was talking about the old days. Do you even remember how those big, lavish Christmas parties used to end?
Moira: I think that's the sign of a successful soiree, if you don't.
Johnny: I'd find myself standing alone, staring at the tree, and all I'd want... I just thought, in spite of all the hardship that... We found ourselves coming together, the kids, you, and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party.
Moira: John, I'm sorry. On behalf of the children, for myself, I'm sorry, John. We didn't fully understand why this party was so important to you.

Jocelyn: Moira, it's so wonderful that you made this happen for Johnny.
Moira: Yeah.
Jocelyn: But, we were supposed to be carolling at the senior's centre 30 minutes ago.
Moira: Oh, Jocelyn, surely the dentures have been dropped in the glass by now. Can't we spare one carol here, before we go?

Johnny: Oh, you know, reminds me, I was worried about this menorah being so close to the garland. Last thing we want is to have the motel burn down.
Moira: Or is it?
Johnny: What?

Stevie: Well, can whichever half is feeling the most generous give me a discount on two cases of wine, please?
David: How many people does he think are showing up to this thing?
Stevie: Oh, he only wanted one case. I have my own holiday tradition. It's like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it's 1 day with 12 bottles of wine.
Patrick: That sounds like fun.

David: Okay, so what exactly is your proposal, then?
Johnny: Well, I say we throw a party. Just like the old days. Invite some people over, sing some carols.
Alexis: Okay, you know today is Christmas Eve, right, and maybe people don't wanna spend it like, carolling in front of mom's wig wall?
Johnny: I can't think of a more festive way to spend Christmas Eve, than all of us pitching in.
David: Okay, I just don't know how we're gonna pull this off without the grand piano, or the ice sculptures.
Alexis: Or the reindeer room.
Moira: I'm afraid this whim of yours is going to obliterate our precious holiday memories.