David: I don't know how much Mrs. Schitt has told you, but she asked me to come in and have a chat. She thinks that since we're both new here it might be worth talking about some things like, you know, fitting in. Apparently you're having trouble fitting in.
Connor: Who- Who- Who are who are you?
David: Oh, my name is David.
Connor: Are you like a doctor or something? A psychologist?
David: Am I what? N-uh, no.
Connor: So why would I talk to you?
David: I don't know. Because your teacher is concerned that you're having trouble adjusting. So she told you to come here and-
Connor: And what, help- Help me? Look at you. Look at your pants.
David: Excuse me! I am sensing a tinge of disrespect here.
Connor: I'll tell you what my problem is. I'm a 16-year-old gay kid living in a town that makes me wanna throw up. The issue isn't me not fitting in. It's me not wanting to fit in. Is there anything else you wanna, you wanna help me with?
David: No.

Johnny: Well, I hear the pork is very good here. The ribs, the chops, the roast-
Deedee: Nothing for me, thanks.
Johnny: Well, isn't that funny. Because Moira doesn't eat here either. But I will be eating and I just don't know whether to have the ribs or the chops, but I'm definitely ordering pork.
Moira: If you mention pork one more time.

Stevie: What and why are we drinking?
David: Oh, my goodness. Um, I don't know. And today, some snippy teen told me that my life was a mess, so...

David: So you and Grant. How are things going?
Stevie: Uh, well, he asked me out for dinner tonight, so we're gonna do that. We're gonna go for dinner, Grant and I.
David: Yeah. Yeah, that's- Well, he seems like a really like respectable guy. Like one of those guys that has like a candy bowl of condoms on his bedside table or something.
Stevie: Oh, hope so. Wonder what colour I'll get.

Deedee: Guess who?
Johnny: Deedee?!
Deedee: Hi, Momo.
Moira: What the hell?
Deedee: Sorry. I know I should've called, but um I just thought it'd be really fun to come see my older sister in her new digs. You know, a little visit. Oh. Um, do you really have lice? I'd hate to contract lice.

Johnny: So, Deedee, you are looking well.
Deedee: Seaweed facials. I get one every week. But enough about me, I wanna talk about you guys. Mm. I want you to know that I really wanted to come and visit you when I heard about your life collapsing, but I got this really big job promotion that week and things got, you know, kinda crazy. Plus, we haven't really seen much of each other recently.
Johnny: Yes, well, we've had kind of a hectic year.
Deedee: Well, thank goodness for the Internet. Seemed to be the only thing letting me know you two were still alive.
Moira: Telephone is also amazing. You just push the buttons and say, "Hi, it's me, your deadbeat sister."

Johnny: Kids, come in and say hi to your aunt Deedee.
Moira: Better hurry before she disappears for another decade.

Deedee: Oh! What? Look at you guys! You've grown!
Alexis: Why did I think that you were dead?
Deedee: Ah, you're so sweet. Now, how long has it been since we've seen each other?
David: I think you crashed one of my pool parties with some guy you were calling "Uncle Julio."
Deedee: Oh! I remember that. [chuckling] All right, you guys treat yourself, okay? Buy yourself something nice.
David: A hundred dollars?! Oh my goodness, wow.
Alexis: Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I missed you! I missed you so much! I missed you so much!

Moira: Deedee, what are you doing here?
Johnny: Are you staying here at the motel? Can I get you a room?
Deedee: No. God no. No, I mean no, I- I booked myself into a junior suite at the Comfort Inn in Elmdale, thank you. This is very darling, it's just it doesn't have a gym and I'm kind of in the best shape of my life right now and I kinda wanna keep it that way.

Stevie: Grant, this is David Rose.
David: Hi.
Stevie: He's one of our permanent guests here.
David: Don't say that again.