Moira: "Break all your legs." A well-intentioned, if not slightly misguided sentiment from the Elmdale Arts Council.

Moira: Well, I have to tell you, I am impressed! Alexis, my phone's been ringing nonstop since 7 a.m. you certainly engaged the press.
Alexis: Thank you.
Moira: If I'm receiving this kind of buzz from a boutique theatrical run, imagine the fanfare you will drum up when the "Crows" movie gets its premiere date.
Alexis: What do you mean, "that I will drum up?"
Moira: Well, after careful cogitation, and two attempts to get Lizzie Grubman to do some pro bono work, I have decided, Alexis, I would love you to do all my publicity!

Moira: Yes. Family! Family. We need to stop and embrace this precious moment. And I'm not just saying that because David's at Patrick's, and the energy is unusually light around here. We are all on the precipice of greatness. And we should cherish these moments, before everything changes. [cell phone rings] Hmm. And I'm still cherishing. Just, oh, I do have to take this. It could be the Elm Grove Sentinel calling about my cover story. [answering phone] Moira Rose Enterprises, how may I direct your call? Well, yes, my assistant is very busy.

Stevie: Who are those for?
David: They're for you. I wanted to wish you luck for your big show. You've been stepping very far outside of your comfort zone, and I think that takes a lot of courage.
Stevie: I don't think I've ever heard you use the word "courage" before.
David: Hmm.
Stevie: Outside of criticizing someone's style choices.

Moira: What happened, David? Did you say anything that might have triggered her? You have that effect on people.
David: Uh, she said she was nervous about the show.
Moira: With but a handful of hours before curtain? Any morsel of intel is crucial!

David: Fine! Patrick proposed to me yesterday, and I may have told her about it.
Moira: Oh, David!
Roland: Wow, a wedding. Congratulations, Dave.
Moira: I don't know what to say.
David: I know, it was very overwhelming for me, as well.
Moira: Why could you not have waited until after the show to tell people you're engaged?!
Alexis: You're engaged?!
David: This is not how the announcement was supposed go!
Alexis: Okay, but I'm gonna be away! Who's gonna plan the wedding?
Roland: Well, I could ask Jocelyn. She planned her brother-in-law's funeral for under a hundred bucks.

Alexis: Okay, this is like, the last thing I needed to hear today!
David: When did this become about you?
Moira: Exactly! If we don't find Stevie, a lot of people are going to be very disappointed!
David: I just announced I'm getting married!
Moira: David, you and your wonderful Patrick have years to celebrate! What a unanimously disastrous day this is turning out to be!
Alexis: Ugh.
David: What the fuck?
Moira: [noisy sobs, high-pitched squeaky whimper]

Jocelyn: Gentlemen, major show drama aside, I just wanted to say congratulations to the future Mister and Mister. Or is it "Misters?"
David: See? Now Jocelyn, how did you find out?
Jocelyn: Oh, from Moira. Maybe Alexis. Possibly Gwen.

Moira: No, no, no, no, David, I'm sorry. No, just performers backstage from here on.
Patrick: Mrs. Rose, are you- Are you a performer at this point?
Moira: Unfortunately, I have no choice. So I'm gonna shimmy off the rust, and pray there's still dazzle within.

Ted: Hey, David, congrats on the news! Really happy for you guys.
David: Okay, you know what, the funny thing was, originally I was going to be the one that told people.
Johnny: Told people what?
Ted: Oh, does your Dad not know?
Roland: If we're talking about Dave's big engagement news, uh, we haven't decided on a best man yet, but we think it's probably gonna be a black tie affair.