Jocelyn Schitt Quotes Page 3 of 6
Quote from Allez-Vous
Jocelyn: The Allez Vous craze hit the town a couple years ago, and you should've seen us. In two weeks we had sold everything to the other half of town, and vice versa.
Alexis: That's- That's funny.
Jocelyn: It became a bit incestuous, yeah, very small sales pool. It became literally impossible to climb the ladder. Anywho, good luck.
Quote from Family Dinner
Jocelyn: Oh, Moira, normally I'd be happy to, it's just we have a really hectic afternoon, so...
Moira: David and I are going to resurrect an old family recipe.
Jocelyn: Mmm. Of course I'd say yes, it's just that that darn stove is on the fritz.
Roland: Oh really, honey? Because this pie is scorching.
Jocelyn: It comes and goes, Roland.
Quote from Family Dinner
Moira: Oh, I'm sure it's far superior to what we have at the motel. David and I will manage.
Jocelyn: Oh, I know, it's- It's just that I called the repairman, and so he's coming this afternoon.
Roland: Who'd you call, honey? Bill?
Jocelyn: Yeah Bill.
Roland: Bill doesn't do stoves.
Jocelyn: Then, Gary.
Roland: Gary? Our dentist?
Jocelyn: I don't remember who I called but, they're coming, this afternoon.
Quote from Family Dinner
Moira: Oh. It's as if you don't trust David and me to fend for ourselves in your kitchen.
Roland: Oh no, we don't mind you using our kitchen, as long as you make extra for us, and leave a ten spot over there for the hydro.
Moira: That I can do! I'll be back in ten, to a clean kitchen!
Roland: A clean kitchen.
Jocelyn: I just cleaned the kitchen.
Quote from The Motel Guest
Jocelyn: I couldn't help but notice that you seemed a little sad sack-y today.
Johnny: Sad sack-y? Well, maybe that's because your husband is occupying the room next to us at the motel.
Jocelyn: I thought he might end up there. That's where we had our honeymoon. Had a lot of great times in that room.
Johnny: I don't think this is one of them. He was playing "Don't Cry Out Loud", loud at two in the morning.
Jocelyn: I'm so sorry. [laughs] It's our wedding song. It was actually the first song that we ever made...
Johnny: Okay, I really don't need the details on that.
Quote from Lawn Signs
Jocelyn: I am upset. I don't like what this campaign is doing to me. The other day, I called another driver an effing moron. I didn't say the 'f' word, but I said, 'effing, ' and that is not me!
Quote from Lawn Signs
Moira: Jocelyn, I don't think it's exactly unethical to do questionable things in the spirit of competition.
Jocelyn: I'm dropping out of the campaign.
Moira: What?
Jocelyn: I'm barely sleeping, I can't get through an episode of "Masterchef Junior" without crying.
Moira: We've both worked so hard for this.
Jocelyn: I know, and now I am giving it to you. Congratulations, Moira. You are the new councilor for the town of Schitt's Creek.
Quote from Motel Review
Johnny: Well, look at you, Alexis, acing your paper.
Jocelyn: Oh, no, no, God no. I gave her a solid C plus.
David: Oh, so she did write it herself.
Jocelyn: It was a noticeable improvement over the first paper.
Alexis: Um well, I should hope so.
Johnny: Well, m-maybe not a noticeable improvement, but um, a different improvement.
Jocelyn: No, no, this one was definitely better. Because no one helped her write it. Enjoy your breakfast.
Quote from The Affair
Jocelyn: It's just that I know what it's like to be in bed with a naked Roland Schitt, and I am powerless against that.
Johnny: He was naked?
Jocelyn: He sleeps naked every night. Do you wanna order some thing to put chocolate sauce on?
Johnny: No.
Quote from Grad Night
Jocelyn: The good news is I just got off the phone with the Little Towns' Big Voices Festival and the Elmdale Songbirds have had to drop out at the last minute. They got a terrible stomach flu that just run right through them. So the festival was wondering if the Jazzagals could sub in tonight!