Johnny: They asked everyone at the table except us, we're sitting right here.
Moira: They're not going to ask someone of your age, John.
Johnny: We raised two kids.
David: "Raised" might be a stretch. Our nursery was in a different wing of the house.
Johnny: It was a design flaw.
Moira: I'm a light sleeper.

David: Ahem! I'm just gonna take the garbage out.
Patrick: Okay.
David: Yeah, and if I don't come back, it's probably because I've run off with Ted.
Patrick: Thanks for the heads up.
David: We're just gonna go for a ride, see where it takes us. Maybe start a vet clinic somewhere along the way. He'll nurse the animals back to heath, I'll offer grooming services.

Moira: So now I have go to Ronnie's by myself.
Johnny: What?
Moira: I told you. The Lifetime Network is re-airing the movie I did with Joyce DeWitt. Remember? "Not Without My Cousin." And Ronnie's TV gets that channel, I told you this, John! Or at least I'm telling you now.

Johnny: Okay, well then, have fun. I'm more than capable of looking after this kid myself.
Moira: John, my sweet husband. We have nothing to prove as parents. We did our best for our children.
Johnny: Yeah, we were there most weeknights. For at least a couple of hours.
Moira: Unless we were out for the evening.
Johnny: Yeah, or jetting around.
Moira: Or if it was a really long day.
Johnny: Yeah, no, no, I'm not the least bit concerned, Moira. Besides, if Roland can look after a baby, anyone can.

Roland: Uh, honey, come on, we're gonna be late for our massage. You know Ron and Linda like to do those stretches before they get us on the table, so I'll be thinking about all of you during my massage.
Johnny: No. No need for that, Roland.
Roland: Okay, Johnny, just don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Patrick: Okay, well they kinda go with my overall theme of a good old-fashioned high school slumber party, so.
David: Mmm-hmm, I still don't know why you were so quick to dismiss my theme idea.
Patrick: Where is anybody gonna find glass-blown Venetian masks around here? Besides, people are kind of excited about the high school idea.

David: Okay. Walk me through the high school idea. Models and teen actors are just gonna lounge around in their bras and thongs, and take Polaroids of themselves all night?
Patrick: What was your high school experience like?
David: What was yours like? Besides, where are we going to find a salad bowl of E this last minute?
Patrick: You know, I think this could be kind of a a fun opportunity for you to rewrite your past a little bit.
David: Mmm-hmm. It's just that my parents have spent like, an astounding amount of money on therapy to try to do that already. So forgive me for not wanting to run back into the fire.
Patrick: What happened to you?
David: Nothing, really, I just didn't like it.

Moira: Oh, it looks like Jocelyn's left you some nice chapter tabs. Uh, it's saying here that you should wipe counter-clockwise direction, ah flip it, if you can flip it.
Johnny: The baby?
Moira: It doesn't say.

Alexis: Okay, my turn. Ahem! Hmm, never have I ever pretended to be a pizza delivery person so I could get into Jared Leto's Halloween party.
David: You're a bitch.

David: How long did you envision this game going on for? Because never have I ever been so bored.
Patrick: Aw, I'm sorry, David, when I suggested the game, I didn't expect that you'd be drinking quite so much. Eating out of the garbage?
David: Okay, I did that in front of you last night.