‘Finding David’
Season 2, Episode 1 - Aired January 12, 2016
As the family search for David, Moira is seemingly more concerned by her missing bag. Meanwhile, Alexis further complicates the Ted/Mutt situation.
Quote from Twyla
Twyla: My best friend in kindergarten ran away, and her parents didn't notice, and she ended up getting adopted by this really rich Asian family in Vancouver, but then they had their own kid, so she kind of got neglected a bit, and I can't remember whether she's back on the streets now, or...
Quote from David
Moira: David, let us help you with your bags!
David: What if I'm not ready to come home?!
Amish Girl: There's a bug on your dress.
David: Ew, fuck!
Quote from David
David: Miriam makes the most delicious butter. Yeah, I mean, she starts pounding that cream about a half hour too early in the morning, but it tastes exactly like the butter we had at the Ritz in Paris, you know, that sort of salt-less butter.
Quote from David
David: Okay, you're saying this was circulated around town? This was before my nose job, how was anyone supposed to recognize me?
Moira: Oh, David, it's a rare gift to strip vanity of its charm, yet here you are.
Quote from Moira
Moira: No, no, no! No, no, no! No! Noooo!
Johnny: What?
Moira: My bag! It's gone!
Johnny: What bag?
Moira: My brown bag!
Johnny: What brown bag? You had a room full of brown bags back home, which brown bag?!
Moira: My crocodile bag, the one my mother gave me!
Johnny: Oh, it's in the closet, next to my briefcase.
Moira: That's an ostrich bag. [pants, shrieks]
Quote from David
Alexis: David!
Johnny: David!
Moira: David, I'm here!
Johnny: David, it's us!
David: I know!
Moira: David, come here, please!
David: Stop yelling, "David!" You come here!
Johnny: We've come to take you home!
David: Three days later!
Moira: Nobody knew where you were! And your phone was off!
David: I texted Alexis!
Alexis: Wha? I'm sorry for not responding to like, one text, David!
Quote from Alexis
David: I slept in the cab of a truck! Overnight!
Alexis: Oh, my God, who hasn't, David?
Quote from Moira
Moira: David. David must've taken it, along with my last molecule of hope!
Johnny: Oh, Moira, David only took his own bags.
Moira: Are you kidding?! I bet he's pawned it by now, to pay for manicures.
Quote from Moira
Stevie: Mrs. Rose, you got out of bed. Sorry, am I interrupting something?
Johnny: No, no, we're just, we're looking for something valuable, and um-
Stevie: Your son?
Johnny: Well, no, a brown bag, as a matter of fact. Well our son, yes.
Stevie: Has anyone heard from David?
Moira: Oh, to be so naive! He's long gone, darling, escaped, and left us all behind.
Quote from Moira
Moira: What'd they say?
Johnny: Nothing, and I'm getting nervous, Moira.
Moira: Don't worry, he's fine. It's not the first time David's run away. Remember all those troubled years in high school, when he'd charter the jet without permission?
Johnny: Yes, but he has no money.
Moira: Oh, he does now. If there's one thing David knows, it's the street value of a woman's bag.