Schitt's Creek Quotes

Schitt's Creek

Schitt's Creek

After the wealthy Rose family lose their fortune, they go to live in their one remaining asset, the small town of Schitt's Creek, which they bought as a joke two decades earlier.

Starring: Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Daniel Levy, Annie Murphy, Emily Hampshire, Chris Elliott, Jenn Robertson, Dustin Milligan, Sarah Levy, Noah Reid, John Hemphill, Karen Robinson.
Original Run: 2015-2020.

Quote of the Day

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Quote from Alexis in Don't Worry, It's His Sister

Alexis: Um, hey! So, why do they give you table scraps? Are you, like, a poor person, or?
Mutt: Uh, no, but thanks for asking. No, I use it to compost. You know, that way nothing gets thrown out. Composting?
Alexis: Yeah, no, I I know composting. Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange.

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Quote from Moira in Roadkill

Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.

Quote from Moira in New Car

Moira: [in a Cockney accent] The truth is that, um, we've- We've struggled with penury for quite some time now. Well, just two years ago, we were practically 'omeless.
Car Salesman: Where are you two from?
Johnny: You know, I've been wondering that myself.
Moira: I'm from London. I was one of two identical twins. Tragically, I was snatched from my crib at birth by Russian mobsters. Mmm-hmm. They looked at my fair skin, and my dazzling eyes, and they said, "We'll make a pretty penny on that one, on the 'uman black market, we will."
Car Salesman: And what about the twin?
Moira: What's that, love?
Car Salesman: Well, if you're identical, I thought you'd both be valuable.
Johnny: Yes, wouldn't you?
Moira: She wasn't born yet. Yep, she wasn't born 'til three minutes later. And the Bratva work very quickly.

Quote from Moira in The Hike

Roland: Wow, Johnny, are you okay?
Moira: How long has this affliction been operative?
Johnny: Yeah, I felt a little tightening this morning, Moira, when I picked up that box of programs from the printer's, but I'm good.
Moira: John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!

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Quote from David in Honeymoon

Stevie: So, just to be clear, um, I'm a red wine drinker.
David: That's fine.
Stevie: Okay, cool. But, uh, I only drink red wine.
David: Okay.
Stevie: And up until last night I was under the impression that you too only drank red wine. But I guess I was wrong?
David: I see where you're going with this. Um, I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine.
Stevie: Oh.
David: And I've been known to sample the occasional Rosé. And a couple summers back I tried a Merlot, that used to be a Chardonnay.
Stevie: Uh, okay.
David: Which got a bit complicated.
Stevie: Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines.
David: I like the wine, and not the label. Does that make sense?

Quote from Alexis in Smoke Signals

Alexis: Okay, no, don't call a cab! Ugh. My flight got delayed.
David: Delayed by a month?
Stevie: This is like watching a car crash.
Alexis: Ugh.
David: You mixed up the day and the month on your ticket again, didn't you?
Alexis: No! I... no.
David: Like that time you showed up to Kate Winslet's wedding a month late.
Alexis: The calligraphy was hard to read and Billy Zane also did the same thing, David.

Quote from Moira in Moira's Nudes

Moira: It's hardly surprising that Jocelyn would suddenly uncover these in the middle of a political campaign. I suppose I just expected more from her.
Stevie: Okay, there's a bunch of you with O.J. Simpson. And you with Robert Blake.
Moira: "The top eleven photographs of Moira Rose with future murder suspects." Well, that's not what I'm looking for!
Stevie: Why were you in a paddle boat with Phil Spector?
Moira: And doesn't he look good? That was the one time he let me play with his hair. It was a sunny aft- You know, I shouldn't have to explain myself.