Gil Thorpe: Dunphy, I'm not gonna lie to you. You guys did a nice job on the house. My buyer wants in.
Phil: Fantastic! That is great news! You know, when we first got into this-
Gil Thorpe: Whoa, the small talk's over. Here's what we're prepared to offer.
Phil: You're joking, right?
Gil Thorpe: I don't joke about real estate. I joke about golf and Mexicans. It's okay, though. I'm married to one.

Phil: [on the phone] Gil! Phil Dunphy.
Gil Thorpe: Ha ha ha! I knew you'd come slinking back! [to the other golfers] Hey, guys! It's Dunphy. He's cavin'. What did I tell you? What did I tell you, hey? [on the phone] Oh, Dunphy, I can play you like a ukulele, 'cause you're small and dainty.
Phil: Gil, I wanna talk to you about your offer.
Gil Thorpe: Oh, ho! Let me stop you right there. This is how this is gonna go down. First of all, I'm gonna take you out to a very nice dinner. I'm gonna talk really sweet to you. And then I'm gonna lay you down by the fire...
Phil: Oh.
Gil Thorpe: Slow at first, then... And then you're gonna go home and tell everybody you went to the movies, but you and I both know that you got thorpedoed.

Gil Thorpe: It's just... It's strange to say it out loud like that, you know? I'm a gay man. [chuckles] I'm a big gay man. [chuckles] Feels like a big gay weight has been lifted off me.
Mitchell: Just a weight.