Lilith: Did you wash your hands, Frederick?
Frederick: Yeah. Uncle Niles even showed me how to open the door with my elbow so I don't need to touch the handle.
Niles: What are uncles for?

Moira: Oh, Alexis, has our quarantine been lifted?
Alexis: Yeah, I was scared I was gonna get bed sores, so I'm going for a run. Also, I needed to, like, cleanse my brain a bit. 'Cause eight hours of watching Sunrise Bay made me feel a little not-right in the head.
Moira: It had that effect. The New England Journal of Medicine did a fascinating study on it.

Frasier: Oh, Dad. This is a small thing but you left the sponge in the sink again.
Martin: So?
Frasier: Well, as I mentioned last evening, if it stays wet, not only does it begin to smell but it becomes a breeding ground for bacteria.
Martin: So?
Frasier: So, if I were to, say, wipe up that salsa that you spilled on the table just now, I would be leaving behind bacteria such as salmonella, listeria, flagella. Now wouldn't that bother you?
Martin: Yeah, I guess you're right. It would bother me. I wouldn't dream of touching that sponge now.
[Martin whistles. Eddie comes and licks the table clean.]
Frasier: Ah, yes. Our own foul-breathed, little handy-wipe.

Phyllis: What are you wearing?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a Hazmat suit. That stands for hazardous materials men's suit wearing. If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy. Is there anyone else here that is lice free? [Phyllis, Kevin, Darryl and Nellie raise their hands] Excellent. You have your own hazmat suits?
Nellie: No.
Kevin: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Renters! Okay, I'm gonna need you to gather your belongings, retreat to the warehouse, conduct your business there until the infected have been deloused. Let's get going. I'm gonna stay here and fight. If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch.

Daphne: Hello, all. Oh, everyone, this is Rodney Banks.
Daphne: Dr. Niles Crane.
Niles: How do you do?
Rodney: The pleasure is mine.
[After Niles and Rodney shake hands, they both reach for their handkerchief to wipe their hands]
Rodney: Flu season.
Niles: Can't be too careful.

Mitchell: That's too cute.
Jay: What the hell is that?
Mitchell: That's the store mascot. That's Hugga Bunny. He goes around and he hugs-
Jay: No, I get it. Nice for flu season. He ought to be called conjunctivitis bunny.

Manny: I've been reading up on some of those tropical diseases: malaria, yellow fever, rabies. I'm high risk, Jay. I'm a big hand shaker.
Jay: You're fine. You've had all your shots. And that Paco Rabanne will scare away any mosquitoes.

Patient: So, you don't think I have a germ phobia?
Niles: Not at all. Just a healthy sense of personal hygiene. Ah, here's the number of the man who cleans my telephone. The best in Seattle.

Frasier: And though washing one's hands twenty to thirty times a day would be considered obsessive-compulsive, please bear in mind that your husband is a coroner. Thank you for your call, Jeanine.

Don: Hi, I'm Don Benson. I'm here about the hot tub.
Blanche: Oh, my goodness, word does travel fast. It's not in yet, Don.
Don: Oh, no, I'm not here to soak in it. I'm a city inspector.
Blanche: [closing door] You can't come in here. This house has been quarantined. We all have, uh... Quick, Rose, give me a deadly disease.
Rose: Oh, I'm sorry, Blanche. I don't have a deadly disease.
Blanche: Well, get one.